Monday, June 27, 2011

The keys to my failure....

Ragnar was a whirlwind.. but it was also full of disaster and sabotage.  I loved it and hope to do it again.  Meanwhile.. life has been exhausting.  School is great!!  The boys are great!! Summer is fun!!  And still.. life feels as if it's falling apart at the seams.  I've decided to do a sprint triathlon in August and have invited my husband to join me.  I've also decided to do a Mud run in September... I can't wait.  Right now I need a runnin g goal.  Need to find a 10k and get back to running.  If I thought for a minute I could tell you all the truth... I would write 10,000 more words.  But I can't so I won't.  Life is HARD. and overwhelming... and I'm just living.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Whats in a week?

The week has been nutso.  I'm busy getting ready for the Ragnar Relay!!  I'm SO EXCITED!!!   I have been running and loving the couple of 2 a days I've done! (2 a day = running twice in a day).  As soon as Ragnar is over I will start to add some resistance training to my regimen.. right now.. I'm just terrified of being sore or hurting my knees.  School is crazy as usual.
 I have LOST weight!!  YAY!!!    My biggest obstacle right now is simply waiting for payday to buy more food cause right now our cupboards and fridge are lacking in the fresh foods department.  I've noticed my boobs getting smaller.  I know it's sick and wrong but I get GIDDY when my boobs start to shrink.  Its a sign that my body fat percentages is decreasing... and that's kind of the point right?  I'm hoping to be back into the 120's at the end of this month... that means a lot of steadfast effort.  I know I can do it!  I've done it before!  I just have to keep EATING LESS and MOVING MORE!!  :) YAY!!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Sick and tired of being sick... and tired...

Blah!  I've been feeling like BLAH for a couple of days now.  It started out with a head/chest cold and adopted ALLERGIES along the way.  It might sound odd.. but I'M NEVER SICK.. so anything that feels like I'm set back just makes me MAD!  It's also made me all sorts of funky.  I don't want to do what I know I should.. (like study for my fundamentals test or eat).  I also decided in the pit of my sorrow to deactivate my facebook account.. so I can spend less time on the crap that doesn't matter.. and more time on the things that do. 
Yesterday I went running twice... chest crap and all.  It felt awesome and like straight up torture depending on the moment. I just want to feel like me.  Right now.. I feel BLAH!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

The pants!

This picture was taken in January of 2010.  The pants in this picture NO LONGER FIT!!!   I loved how I felt in them and I figured... I could make them my goal pants for this comp.  Yesterday I [literally] squeezed my self into them.  I broke the zipper gettng them on... but I took a picture anyway...
So... here goes nothing.. my new quest: fit into these Jeans by October!  READY SET GO!! :)

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Attitude... it truly is everything.

I've been going insane over what my first blog of this comp would be about.  I wanted to imagine it as a new start, a new chapter, however you want to look at it.  I thought it would reflect some great epiphany where I remind myself that where I've come from, where I've been... none of that matters unless I know where I am going. 
Today my mother-in-law hit a new chapter in her struggles with pancreatic cancer.  She is now "officially" stage IV thanks to [inevitable] metastisis.  Which brings me to my point. 
Are you living? Or dying? 
 Marilyn is absolutely going to die.  BUT.. SO ARE YOU! 
Attitude is everything. 
So here we sit.  We all have an inevitable fate... and we make choices that can contribute to when/where/how... but reality is.. we can only choose how we liveWe do not choose how we dieMarilyn, my mother-in-law, one of the most amazing women on the planet: SHE IS LIVING!  And her every breath challenges me to LIVE!!!  To breath!!  To enjoy every moment life has to offer.
To live until the moment I die.
This competition represents a new me.  I lost the old me when I realized that life has no guarantees.  I changed... became someone else.   I stopped LIVING.. and started resenting life.
So my new chapter begins.  Today... I will live the way I hope my children will live.  I will adopt habits that make me feel better about me.  I will do things that make waking up every morning worth the hassle.  I'm DONE feeling mediocre... I'm DONE living life like it's something owed to me.  I'm READY to be EXCEPTIONAL and to take advantage of this gift.   
Don't get caught up in that theory that "life is too short to skip on dessert".  Dessert never made you feel any better about who you are.  It never brought you to accomplish some great task.  It never taught you how powerful and strong you are... all it ever did [for me] is make me feel powerless, bloated, and inferior. 
The idea that nothing tastes as good as thin feels is TOTAL CRAP!!  But I guarantee NOTHING tastes as good as you feel when YOU are in control of you!! 
I'm taking back control! 
Watch out world.