Gain?

So... after careful consideration I've decided to give myself a little break. Or at least... I've decided to be OKAY if I end the month with a gain. I'm not sure how I'm even going to weigh in on Friday cause I'm not at home... but I will figure it out. Either way.. I anticipate ending this month a little larger than I started.
I just feel like it will always be my routine to gain weight in December.. but I promise to lose what I gained and then some in January. I'm really trying to adjust to the new place, new routine and I'm excited to join the gym when the new year starts!!
I got P90X for Christmas. It's not exactly an "official" copy and I don't have the guide book or anything... BUT... I'm going to find one.. or use LisaB's blog and do the program as it should be done. I have to get some resistance bands and probably some bigger weights (which are already on my list of desires for this year). I plan to do all the before, 30 day, 60 day and 90day pics. It will be fun to use this blog as a place to post what I really think about the product! I did the ab ripper X today.. just to try it out and... it makes me SO excited to start this thing and see where it takes me. Good luck to all of you gals as we finish off this comp! I'm very excited that my 2 sister in laws have both done so well and can't wait to see who wins!
I'm absolutely doing a comp starting January 5th. If anyone is still wanting to compete.. you can check it out here!

New pants...

I must admit that throughout this journey it has been fun to buy pants. I remember the first time I fit into a single digit size!! It felt AWESOME!!! Well, after years of shoving my HUGE body into a size 16/18 with massive amounts of hangover... I am a little timid about lowrise jeans, and jeans that really let it all HANG OUT!! I wear pants that I know are a little too big in order to protect myself from the muffin top... SO.. I haven't bought pants in a while... my size 7/8's were getting kind of ridiculously large and so.. today.. I stepped into Plato's Closet to buy smaller jeans. Umm... let me just say that I am still incredibly frustrated by my skin literally hanging over the edge of my pants but... after trying on like 15 different pairs of size 5/6 jeans... I had to admit to myself that they were not flattering... and try on size 3/4!!! HOLY BANANAS!!! One year ago almost to the day I bought 2 pairs of size 2 Lane Bryant jeans (these are the equivalent of a 16 and I pretty much had to lay down to zip them up!!). Today... I bought 3 different brands of size 3 jeans... IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!! One year... of hard work... and not giving up on myself... I would never have imagined this day would come.. but it's here! It's reality!! It feels FANTASTIC!!!

Spinning

Last night I went to a Spinn class at the little gym right here in my town!! It was my first experience with the bike and the gym and umm... I think I'm in love. The workout is fantastically intense but also requires you to push yourself. No one controls how fast your legs are moving but you and to be totally honest I think mine moved the SLOWEST of the 8 people in the class... but it was AWESOME!! I was sweating and am positive that tomorrow my quads are going to be forcing me to beg for mercy. It's DEFINITELY something I could really get into!! Just a great substitution to switch up my cardio. I'm actually not a fan of elliptical machines, they don't challenge me (even when I was 200 lbs I could jump on one of those things for 45 minutes and not sweat!) and I'm not really a fan of stationairy bikes... they just make my butt hurt... but THIS was different. My bum is only a little sore because the instructor really doesn't seem to believe in a whole lot of seat time!! Anyway.. it was a great workout.. and one that can be tailored to any fitness level. SOOOO... if you've never been... get out to a spinn class! I'm sure you will find it painful and AMAZING all in the same breath!

Slacking

Okay.. so I just wanted to publicly admit/announce that I have been slacking all around. I haven't ran since the half marathon (like 6 weeks ago). At first it was because of my hip, but as the pain went away, I never picked it back up. I've been busy doing life... and putting myself on the back burner. It's amazing that once I set myself on the back burner, it's easy to feed into excuses and let life get in the way. I'm pretty sure I can accurately state that I have gained at least 4 lbs since the last weigh in. This is not a surprise to me.. I really haven't been working out and I've not been eating as frequently or as healthy as I should be. I haven't gone crazy but... I just haven't been REALLY making conscious choices every time something enters my mouth. (My portion sizes might be a little out of control.)
Today, I decided to COMPLETELY recommit. So.. I've done great with my food and water AND I went on a 3.6 mile run. It felt AWESOME to be running again. It's been such a long time and I was actually happy with my pace and just the overall feel of it all. I am getting familiar with my new area and think I am going to fall madly in love with the country roads around me. I'm also probably going to join the local gym. (I realized 2 days ago that there is a gym in this little town!!!!) I'm going to sit down with the owner and negotiate some terms. I think it's funny when people try to lock you into contracts and then treat you like just another electronic funds transfer. I WILL NOT let them do that to me!
Tomorrow I'm going to the spin class at the gym... spin is something I have never done... they say you can burn up to 500 calories in one spin class. I am hoping to get the workout of my life and get addicted to it! This would be a cardio workout I can do twice a week that ISN'T running. :o)
I'm also getting excited for the new competition. This comp has been fun... but it's SO different when you do a comp at the beginning of the year.. when people have set major goals to change themselves in the new year. A competition over the holidays is SO hard... but I AM SO GRATEFUL that I have been able to shed my last 20 lbs even with all the holidays that have come in the last few months. THANK YOU TAMMY AND MELISSA FOR DOING THIS!!! And thanks to all the gals who have stuck to it and pushed me!
The new year holds a couple of goals for me. I'm going to run another 1/2 marathon in May (although my husband is TOTALLY against it!) and I want to do a triathlon in July!! After that.. who knows. I'm trying to convince my hubby to have one more baby, he objects strongly but maybe if I remind him how huge my boobs get when I'm prego/nursing... he can be convinced! ;o)
10ish days till this comp ends!!! I can't wait to see what happens.

Competition

I've decided to keep this going and start a competition for the new year. I've so appreciated competing during the holiday season, but it's really AWESOME to compete at a new year. So.. if you are interested.. you can check out the details HERE!!! I probably WON'T compete.. I'll just do it. Competing has been a huge part of my success and I want to give other women the opportunity!! SO LETS DO THIS THING!!!

Who am I?

Okay.. so I moved. I'm sure you've all got that by now. It's actually sort of a weird thing. See... people here don't know who I am. They don't know who I was either.

Last night, I went to a social gathering for women in our church. It was meant to be a spa night/cookie exchange. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do with this... I asked friends for cookie recipes and got a fantastic HEALTHIER version of the cookie from Lisa. I figured WHAT THE HECK??? I'd much rather present myself as a health freak than a good cookie maker.... so I showed up to the cookie exchange with these:

Chocolate chip cookies:

1/3 cup butter OR 1/4 cup coconut oil (I used coconut oil)

1/2 cup agave

1 t baking powder

1 t baking soda

1 t vanilla

1 egg

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 cup oat flour (I grinded up oats in my blender to make this)

1 cup oats

1/2 cup nuts

1/2 cup chocolate chips

These cooked in my oven at 375 for about 9 minutes. They were beyond edible. They were actually kind of good. Not like eat the whole plate of cookies good... but wow.. I can't believe these are healthy good!

Because I am new, women were asking me lots of questions trying to get to know me. Asking me about my interests/hobbies... I guess I wasn't sure where to go with this. See... my interests/hobbies/LIFE for the past year have revolved around nutrition, exercise and weight loss. I don't want to go acting like I'm amazing because I've managed to lose weight.. but I also don't want to pretend that I'm not obsessed... so... I mention that I've been busy doing competititons and losing weight this year and one gal hears how much I've lost and soon.. she is telling every person who walks past her. (This girl happened to be VERY fit, tiny, marathon runner!) Anyway... I was glad that I brought a healthy alternative to cookies.. even if people didn't like them. (Which people DID like them... but you know.. not as much as the sugar cookies covered in frosting!) I got a lot of the "how did you do it?" "Oh I like food way too much to do that..." But, overall... it was a lot of fun.

Back on the Wagon!!

So.. I figured out how to stop the snacking... I just ate ALL the goldfish. ;o) They've been gone for 2 days and I am back on track with my diet. I did have a small gain.. but I honestly think it was from all the sodium. After just a day of being back on top of my normal nutritional preferences, I am back where I started. My goal for the month is to be at 115 by weigh in. I KNOW I can get there. January 5th of 2009 is when I started this journey. I would never have imagined that a year later I would be 83 lbs less.. SO INSANE!!
On another random note. My size 34A bra is too big. Luckily we are just talking like.. I need a 32. I was checking it out today and realized that the brand/name whatever... is SWEET NOTHINGS. Umm.. couldn't be a more perfect name! ;o)

Coping

My life has been upturned and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I didn't think that I would be feeling so stressed and isolated but WOW... adjusting to this move is harder than I thought. The hardest part has actually been that my hubby has been working CRAZY hours and I haven't had a MOMENT of child free play. I discovered there is a yoga place in this tiny town and although I've NEVER done yoga... I think I'm going to become a yoga master as soon as my hubby starts working normal hours and coming home in time for me to venture out alone!!

Amidst all of this, I've been trying to cope with OLD habits. If you've ever seen my progressive pic, you will notice all the sores on my upper arm in my earliest photo. I AM A PICKER!! The bigger I got, the more I picked. It is easy for me to resolve this by getting fake nails but now that I am away from the gal who did my nails, I decided to try it without the safety blanket and holy crap.. STRESS + NO NAILS = I am totally a picker. I had hoped that I had somehow left that part of me behind a good 30 lbs ago but alas, she is still here.

Another thing I've been doing is eating... ALOT!! Fortunately, I don't have a lot of "off limits" foods in my house... the worst I've mindlessly ate is goldfish crackers... BUT.. I've just been eating and eating and the worst part is that because of my allergies, I can't really even taste anything... but I still eat. I've had to pull out the carrots a couple of times to put something at least healthy out for my eating frenzies.. but... I just feel like I've lost control... and although I'm making much BETTER choices than I would have this time last year, it's disheartening to realize that I will always be a work in progress. I somehow had hoped that it would be second nature to me... that I would be so in control that no amount of stress could force me to do anything NOT in alignment with what I've been preaching these days.

It is what it is... I'm out of control.

Luckily, I am hopeful... that this is just another step towards total transformation in my life. I have got to LEARN how to deal with stress... and how to do it without tipping the scale. Honestly, if I were the same person this year as I was last year... this move probably would have meant a 20 lb gain. But I'm not her anymore. I will not punish myself... I am going to move forward. :o) BUT... I will not pretend that it is easy.. because it's not. I am a real person... and I can't ALWAYS do everything right. But.. I do learn from every experience. Right now I am learning that I need to NOT buy goldfish... at least until I have time to have ME TIME!! :o)

December 1st

I tried to post this yesterday but for whatever reason the file was zipped and I was too lazy to figure out how to unzip it! LOL!! Either way... 120.8 is not a huge loss for the month and did NOT put me in the 1-teens... BUT... I'm totally good with it. It's been a crazy month and well.. you get what you put into it and 1.6 lbs of effort is about all I made the time for this month. NEXT MONTH... I want to be at my goal of 115. only 5.8 lbs to go. As long as I am able to go to the store on Friday and buy me some decent food... I will TOTALLY be there!! AND I must become reacquainted with my treadmill. Maybe if I give it a name? :o)

Congrats to all you girls who are sticking with this. I am SO SO excited for Vicki!! YAY!!! You won ALL of your money back (this comp and last comp!) and you proved to me that I'm not full of it!! LOVE THAT!!

Girls Night Out

We have been crazy busy getting ready to move and have finally become OFFICIALLY moved to another state. I am excited for the upcoming weigh in. It's been a rough month for me... but I managed to stick to my smaller portions and survive even during the "eating whatever is left cause we aren't going to the grocery store till we move" phase. Last week I got to go to a girls night out. Just for fun.. I thought I'd post some pics. The first one is the first girls night out we did for the competition. This pic is AFTER losing 14 lbs the first month.. (So this is from 2/09) I'm the one all the way to your RIGHT with the butt crack cleavage..... too funny!! This is from the other night.. I'm the one being bitten! ;o) notice the plunging neck line and the lack of cleavage.. umm.. from butt crack to nothing? What happened to the happy median? LOL!! We were at a twilight party.. so much fun!!

Skinny

My 3 year old has always told me I'm fat. He can't even comprehend what skinny is. I too have never really understood the word. Seriously... the word bony makes way more sense but skinny implies an excess of skin right? I mean truly... how can skinny be synonymous with thin?

Guess what?? I totally get it now!!

[Click on these images to get the full effect!]

Society's double standard.

[Steps up onto Soapbox.]

I have noticed a trend recently that has been pretty frustrating for me. It is something about our society that will forever drive me insane. No one ever told me I was killing myself when I was gaining weight yearly and shopping in the plus sizes. The flip side? As I lose weight and get to a very healthy weight range, I'm starting to get "comments." Comments about how thin I am. Comments when I pass on eating sugary foods when with friends. Comments from family about how I have got to STOP LOSING or I will be skeletal. Comments from "well meaning" people who are "worried about me."

WHAT? Are you serious? Here is the double standard. I EAT all the time. I don't need comments from people because I don't eat junk food. Seriously... do you think people are thin because they eat whatever they want?!? NO WAY!! SO... in an attempt to not be a hypocrite.. this letter is for my friends.. who I love.. who I worry about!

Dear Friend:
I LOVE YOU!!! I hope that this letter will prove just that. See, when I was 200 lbs, no one mentioned it to me. I know that I KNEW how big I was but I don't think I really GOT it. I had no idea how much life I was missing, but when you know better, you do better... and I'm doing better. Every time you feed your emotions, or snack obsessively, or just put things in your mouth without thinking about it, you are hurting yourself. I think you already know this. Overeating for me was always a form of self-loathing. Whether I knew it or not at the time, I was punishing myself... for not being what I wanted to be.
I was always looking for the easy way out. A quick fix. Guess what? Changing your life by changing what you eat isn't nearly as difficult as society would have you believe. Exercising is not just good for you, it makes you FEEL good!! I have lost 80 lbs in 10 months. It wasn't any harder for me than anything else I've done in my life. To be honest, it was almost easy.
The mental strength that comes when you push yourself is priceless. The feeling of joy when you realize you DO HAVE CONTROL... is something I can never describe. The thought that when you walk in the room, people notice (and not because they are talking about how big you are) is really amazing.
Stop punishing your body and your health by eating CRAP! Get off the couch and move a little. Don't be afraid to push past your limits. Don't worry that you CAN'T!! YOU CAN!! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE STANDING IN YOUR WAY!! Change your life now... because you ARE WORTH THE EFFORT!!! And you DESERVE to feel good about you!!
Your friend,
Karilynn

My hubby's pants!

Okay.. so most women are smaller than their husbands.. this has NEVER been the case for me. I met my husband through a friend. She set us up and let me know before the date that he is "REALLY REALLY SKINNY!!" So.. I met him and married him and well.. he's never been more than 112 lbs. No really... 112 lbs. I actually have never apsired to be smaller than him. I just have known that 112 lbs is pretty ridiculous.

Okay... so today I was in a hurry to get out the door. I grabbed some jeans off the floor and realized they were my hubbys. I thought WHAT THE HELL and pulled them up. I was amazed when they not only went OVER my thighs... they actually buttoned with ease! HOLY COW!! (I admit that my husband wears all his jeans way low and always with a belt!)

I can wear my husbands size 28 jeans!!

10/08

10/09

A week in the life of....

This week has been kind of insane!! We have known for a while that we would be relocating for my hubbies job but found out last week that we would be moving an entire month sooner than we had anticipated. Last week was filled with looking at houses, traveling, signing leases etc. We also had to race home to put on a wedding for my hubby's brother! SO CRAZY!!
I did have a fantastic time with Elise in Colorado. I had the opportunity to spend some time with Ellura and Sarah! It was so fun to get to know them a little better. It was also fun to KNOW that I was being watched each time I put something in my mouth. I was very good at eating my 5 meals a day and getting my water in. I think I'm down 2 lbs since last weigh in. Not a ton but I am excited to think that I will be in the 1-teens at the end of the month. We actually will be moving the weekend before the weigh in. I hope I survive it all!

1/2 Marathon!!

Elise, Elllura and I participated in the Heart Center of the Rockies event yesterday. The weather for this thing could not have been more perfect!! My hubby and BIL were able to come out with all 7 of our kids in tow! (4 are mine 3 are Elise's)

The 1/2 marathon had a different start point then the other races... so I was standing at the start line kind of alone. I met a girl as I was looking for the start line and we talked a little while we waited. At a break in our conversation I looked around at all the people standing there and sighed. She asked if I was getting nervous and I tried to think of how to share all that I was feeling at that moment. There I was.. standing among all of these athletes, all with very healthy fit bodies (and most of the women without boobs just like me!) It was actually quite overwhelming to think of where I started, and where I am now. To be among all of these healthy people and fit in quite well. :o) I also learned as I waited that the 1/2 marathon was accurately measured and WOULD be 13.1 miles. I AM SO GLAD I heard that before the race... it would have been so had to push that extra .6 miles if I hadn't known they were going to be there! My hubby took a few pics along the way. It was really just great to have the support!! Here are a few pics from my journey.

This first pic is just after mile 3. I look a little mentally challenged because I was prepping to throw the gloves and hat that are in my hand at my hubby AND.. the first 3 miles were actually very mentally challenging. It's HARD to run for 3 whole miles and know that you are not quite 1/4 of the way there!!

My hubby actually met me at mile 5 with some water and a "GU". It's this weird jelly sugar stuff that is meant to give you immediate energy. Elise is really good about using these and really thought it would help me. I'm so grateful I had it. If nothing else it gave me a mental boost. :o) I ran the next 5 miles without seeing anyone. My hubby had gone back to the finish line to see Elise finish. I was feeling awesome around mile 9 when I checked on my forerunner and saw that my average pace over those first 9 miles was 9:25!! YAY!! It would have been hard for me to lose 4 and a half minutes in the next 4 miles so I was confident I would achieve my goal!!! Elise met me between miles 9 and 10 with more gu and ran with me for a while. It was great to find out how she did and to listen to her encouraging words. Elise has ran a couple of these 1/2 marathon things... so fun to have support from someone who really knows what I'm going through!!

This one is at mile 10! Thus the ten fingers... LOL!!

Right after mile 10 my hip decided to let me know it hated me. We are talking sharp, horrible pains shooting through my hip. I was so frustrated!! I thought about this blog and all of you girls who KNEW I could do it and was like "THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM BLOGGING I DIDN'T FINISH THIS RACE!!" I figured that if I can have babies naturally... I can run 30 minutes in pain!! The last 3 miles were a struggle. HOWEVER... I was able to see my family one more time at mile 12. It was just so great to see everyone and Elise is so fantastic at being encouraging. I gave my boys high fives! Mile 12 is definitely a great boost to anyone!!
(If you click on the pic you can see the sign I wore while I ran... it says: "I'm Kari! (Cheer for me!)) I crossed the finish line knowing that I had met my goal. I actually was nervous those last 3 miles that I might actually LOSE the 4 and a half minutes I had earned in the first 9. Luckily... I only lost about 2 and 1/4 minutes in my pace and finished with a PR (and virgin) time of:
An average pace of 9:46!! Goal met!!! I must admit that I was really not able to bask in the glory. My hip is not happy!! I'm not sure what is wrong with it but I've already hit the chiropractor. I actually have a serious fear of stress fractures... hmm... everyone pray I'm just a big dang baby and I'll feel better in a couple of days!

Half Marathon, here I come!!!

*WARNING: The following is literally the ramblings of an over active mind, right after a cup of coffee. Be ADVISED.. it might not make any sense AT ALL!!!*

Okay.. so before I go off on how excited I am... I just want to say [for the record] that I am slightly disappointed. The 1/2 marathon I am doing on SATURDAY (!!!!!!) does not technically meet 1/2 marathon requirements. It happens to be .6 miles shorter than an official half. BAH!! I have decided that because it's my first and my goal is a pace... I won't miss running that extra .6 miles anyway. ;o) My goal is to run a pace of UNDER 10 minute miles. I have NEVER done this on a run longer than 10 miles but GEEZE!!! If I can do it for 10, I'm going to make this body do it for 12.5. I have thought about changing my goal to a slower pace, but in my heart my goal will always be to run it in 125 minutes SO.. that's what I'm going to declare it to be! ;o)

I am SO EXCITED to get out to Colorado and run this thing!!! I'm also EXCITED to get together with a few of the gals in the comp who happen to be in Colorado!! Last I heard there will be a total of 4 of us at the event.. entering in 3 different categories. YAY!!

I must admit that while I'm really excited, I am also apprehensive. I honestly don't really "get" the elation that people have when they finish these things... I mean, if you've trained properly than you've ran the distance before... so what makes it different when you get a fancy t-shirt to run? I hope to experience some great THRILL when I cross the line BUT... I think my body will be too busy hating me for me to be thrilled. I LOVE running 8 and 9 miles, those are my favorite runs... but when I run 11 and 12 miles, my body gets pissed! It seriously punishes me. I suppose I should be grateful it does what I tell it to, even when it doesn't like it! Mind over matter... ain't that the truth?

I'm also really excited that this run is sponsored by Heart Center of the Rockies. I really don't get overly personal on this blog BUT, my dad had a major heart attack at the ripe old age of 53 (and a weight of a whopping 185 lbs)! We are talking a quin bypass surgery that later resulted in a collapse of some of the grafts, which resulted in stenting, which resulted in a huge mess. Bottom line, I have GOT to take care of my body and my heart. Every doctor my dad has ever come in contact with has told him that his heart disease is genetic (as well as poor diet) and well, I want to be around for my kiddos. When I started my weight loss journey, my resting heart rate was between 110-120. Right this second, after a cup of coffee, my heart rate is 80. I know that running is a fantastic way to keep my heart healthy...

On another overly personal note: We will be moving out to the area this half marathon is in in the next couple of months! I'm very excited to scope out the town I have picked for my family to live in and to walk through some houses that could be my new home! YAY!! Can't wait to get to Colorado!!!

To answer your question

So.. Moi asked what exactly changed in me that made me decide that I was not okay with my weight. The answer seems incredibly complex and I'm not even sure if I know exactly what it was BUT... here is an attempt to answer your question!
In December I decided to join WLW . I had a previous client who founded this company and had mentioned it to me! (He managed to mention it without implying that I desperately needed to lose weight!) I got on and really didn't know what I hoped to accomplish from it! It wasn't until Nicholette mentioned she was doing a weight loss competition that I thought HEY.. I could totally do that!! I AM INCREDIBLY COMPETITIVE. AND... I am a SAHM who does not contribute financially to my family at all. I thought it would be a fantastic way to kill a few birds with one stone. I love the biggest loser and I knew I had enough to lose, to win some sweet moula!! (In my best Kip voice!)
I named my blog FINISH WHAT YOU START!! Because, I have never finished anything. Seriously.. I've started college like 6 times and only managed to finish one semester and that was before I had kids. I had "tried" to lose weight in the past but never wanted to do enough to actually see a change. I really wanted to prove to my DH that I could follow through with something. I realized when I started talking about the comp that my husband had absolutely no faith in my follow through abilities. I also understood that he was justified in his lack of faith. I chose the URL "thin for my boys" because I really wanted to save my boys from the embarrassment of having a "fat" mom! And my hubby from the embarrassment of having a "fat" wife!! If I could change the url I totally would... but.. I couldn't now. Regardless, I do not want to be thin for my boys anymore. I want to be HEALTHY for my boys [I have 4 sons and one hubby.. all included in the boys!] and thin for me!
I did not set out to lose 75 lbs. I just set out to win!! I set out to lose 14 lbs, 10 lbs, 8 lbs... whatever the goal was for the month. I never ACTUALLY thought about what it would mean to be thin... or to ever lose such a large amount of weight.. but I did think about how awesome it would be to win money, AND to prove to everyone who's faith in me had expired that I COULD DO IT!! I think above all else... I had to prove it to myself!
I remember when I got to 50 lbs lost... I looked back and thought of all the crazy things I had never even thought about that were now my reality.... you can read that post here! Now I'm at 75 lbs and holy geeze... who would have thought it was possible? I HONESTLY DIDN'T!!
I committed to finishing the competition when I started it and to finish strong. That was all I wanted to prove to myself. When I got to the end, "finish what you start" took on a whole new meaning.
Nothing is the same. What motivated me in the beginning is completely different from what motivates me now. I set out to prove it to myself. That I COULD START AND FINISH SOMETHING. Now... my motivation is honestly inspiring other people. I realized a while ago that I have a lot of blog stalkers. People who linger but never comment... who look to me to see that it can be done. I know that if I fail.. I fail all of these people who believe in me... and hopefully are starting to believe in themselves because of my trials/failures and successes.
So.. in answer to that first question: What changed is ME! I stopped giving up on myself. I stopped making excuses and FINALLY put value in myself.
And last but not least...
I Stopped "trying" and resolved to DO IT!!

Thank you October!

October has come and gone and it has been very good to me!! [I think the threat worked!]. This month I have focused on eating 5-6 healthy meals a day AND drinking lots of water. I have NOT counted calories, or really tracked what I've eaten BUT... I've been very careful to eat healthy and am getting closer to having a completely "CLEAN" diet!! I've also been training for my half marathon NEXT WEEKEND!! WAHOO!!! I'm excited to report I'm down 8 lbs this month!! 6.13% YAY!!

Here are my before and afters. The befores are from the start of the comp so you are seeing 2 months of progress.

My plan for the future is to get some toning going on!! Bring on November!

Oh and one more pic cause Melissa just put it together for me and it's kind of wild to see!!
10 months.. no gimmicks.. If I can do it... ANYONE CAN!!

Alive... just barely!

So.. I was able to run my 9 miles on Saturday. It was the only running/exercise I did all week after fighting off that nasty bug... I actually ran it at a decent pace, finishing in 88:31!! YAY!! Unfortunately I was fooling myself if I thought I was cured of my ailment.

Today I went to the trainer who attempted to single handedly murder me. Seriously.. I missed last week cause I was sick so she really tried to stick it to me. Unfortunately, it was very obvious to both of us that I am still not near 100%. I would say I'm closer to 75%! I was incredibly weak today and suffering from shortness of breath which is really not something I deal with often. I still have some congestion in my head and chest. I'm definitely not loving this.

I JUST WANT TO BE BETTER!!! BLAH!

I also was talking to Lisa today about weight gain during the holiday season. She just wrote the cutest post about this topic... HERE's a link if you want to read it! ;o)

Anyway... I'm around... but wishing I were enjoying life a little more. Hope you are all doing fantastic as we enter the LAST WEEK before weigh in!! WOW!! I can't wait to see how you girls have done this month!!! :o)

Ya'll ready for this? ;)

Okay.. this morning while making my breakfast, I couldn't help thinking how beautiful my oatmeal looked. Then I started thinking about Jewel and all her lovely food pictures and I thought... hey I am going to take a picture of my pretty breakfast! So.. for your viewing enjoyment:

Lovely eh? That would be 1/3 cup oats with water.. no salt with raspberries and blueberries. 2 Egg whites fried with pepper and spray olive oil stuff. One cup of coffee with 3T sugar free creamer!! Umm... plus.. I can't taste anything today! BLAH!! Still looks yummy though right! ;o)

Oh and I wanted to share another picture. I woke up this morning and was delighted to see....

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Been sick.

Okay.. the last couple of days I've been knocked on my ass with a terrible cough/cold. Luckily it seems to be going away. I really don't have time to be sick right now! My 1/2 marathon is in less than 3 weeks!! WAHOO!!!

I've noticed a trend in my weight loss. I have a menu that I eat the last 10 days of the month. It is mostly veggies and lean proteins. I love it and hate it at the same time but as soon as I quit doing it.. I seem to quit losing weight. Turns out I also quit eating.

The menu forces me to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours. When I stop the menu I stop eating frequently and just try to squeeze my calories in to the day. Well.. I started paying attention to how often I am eating and WOW!! It's a huge difference. The weight comes off and stays off. (Regardless of what I'm eating as long as it's within my calories.. although I pretty much don't eat processed carbs AT ALL) I am hovering around 127. Totally can't complain. I can't wait to be up and eating again... I am sure this will make a huge difference. I've started reading Tosca Reno's The Clean Eating Diet and I'm loving it. It is actually basically what I have done to my diet and I know that eating this way is WHY I will not be gaining weight back! :o)

Family Pics!

Last October, for whatever reason, I got brave and did family pics. (For the first time in YEARS!!) The funny part is that doing the pics was actually my way of embracing my big self. I had finally just decided to accept the fact that I was a size 18 and bought my 2xl sweater from the Old Navy plus size section . I also got a Lane Bryant card around the same time. ;o) Anyway... I got new family pics last week and wanted to do a quick before/after post.

[Click on the pic to make it bigger.]

Top pic October 2008. Bottom pic October 2009.

Taking a break!

Okay.. so this week I am supposed to run A LOT!! Problem?!? I went to Lisa on Monday who decided to teach me a lesson about my glutes and quads and overcompensation. LESSON LEARNED!! My quads are hashed. I still did my 4 mile run on Monday but was just not sure what my problem was until I woke up on Tuesday to BEYOND SORE Quads. Other parts of my body were sore.. but my quads... umm... we are talking popping ibuprofen every 8 hours!!

If I wasn't going to be running 12 miles on Saturday, I wouldn't really care... BUT... I've been taught that major muscle groups HAVE to recover... and I DESPERATELY want to run my 12 on Saturday without hating myself, the world, or running!! So.. I called my sweet trainer yesterday and asked for her input and she told me NOT to run!!

Hmm... what to do? I was scheduled to run 6 miles yesterday and 4 miles today but I WILL NOT be doing it... per her expert advise. I am replacing it with brisk walking and good stretching and trying to prep my quads for the longest run of my life (TO DATE) and the longest run I will do until my half marathon on November 7th.

I struggled with the decision to do what I know I should. I wonder.. is this an excuse I am feeding into?? I guess I have another lesson to learn here... sometimes what is best for me isn't what I want!! I do take comfort in knowing that I WANT to be running. I also take comfort in knowing that I still have control over my food choices and I will continue to make good choices!! (The next few days, those choices will involve a lot of protein to help repair my muscles!) I'm not celebrating the break by any means.. and I KNOW that I am going to feel AWESOME on Saturday!!

Adventures in la-la land!

This weekend I almost died. Okay.. not really.. but I felt like I did. I ran 11 miles. BLAH! I didn't eat well the night before and was severely punished for it after completion of my run. Next week it's 12. I hope I REALLY don't die! I recruited a neighbor... I heard she ran a marathon recently so introduced myself while asking her if she wants to run 12 miles with me on Saturday. She is a total trooper and seems excited about it! (Heaven help us both!)

I also have hit a few milestones.

#1 - I hit the 70 lb mark!! Wahoo!!

#2 - I have not seen anything in the 130's in several days. That's right gals... I'm in the 120's and I'm not going back to the 130's EVER again!!

#3 - I discovered something new about my diet. The number of times I eat in a day has a huge impact on my weight. If I eat 1400 calories one day (split into 3 meals) I actually gain BUT if I eat the same calories between 5 or 6 meals, the numbers drop! Crazy I KNOW!! But I'm never hungry and I'm loving my scale lately. Very soon I will be posting a pic with that magic 125 number on it!!!

#4 - I realized that I am FINALLY learning how to eat HEALTHY!! For 9 months I've been on this journey and I've been so busy counting calories, checking carbs etc.. that I haven't learned how to eat healthy, delicious foods! Thanks to Lisa I'm learning how to actually ENJOY food again!! YAY!!!

I'm hoping that I survive this week! It will involve a total of 26 miles of running in the next 5 days!! Umm... is it Friday yet? ;o)

New Mantra

I was reading a friends blog today. It had NOTHING to do with weight loss. But there was something so profound that I had to share it! She said:

You can't quit on your worst day!!

I was blown away as I read this statement. How often in life do we fail to follow through with something because we get to the breaking point and say "forget it!"? Don't do it girls. When you get to the point where you think you're going to fall apart, pushing past it shows you how strong you are.

We learn so much when we overcome our struggles. We become stronger when we push past the desire to quit and DO IT ANYWAY!!

I don't want to.

Some days... I don't want to!

I don't want to exercise.

I don't want to eat right.

I don't want to do anything hard.

Today was one of those days. I had a 4 mile run this afternoon that I really did NOT want to do. I'm sure you all think that I stand by the door in my jogging gear, just waiting for my husband to get home so I can go running... this is not usually the case. Today, was the extreme opposite. I just don't WANT to!!

I do things even when I don't want to. I ran that damn 4 miles. I won't say that I hated it... but I'm not going to say I feel blessed for the experience. I have learned something (over time) and that is that sometimes we do things because we NEED to, even if we don't want to.

Of course as many of us are moms, we totally get this. We wake up and don't want to get out of bed... but it's not an option to stay in bed all day! Kids need to get to school, children must be fed, diapers must be changed. We do these things even when we don't want to. WE SEEM TO ALWAYS DO FOR OTHERS when we are in this mood... so how come, when we don't want to do something for ourselves (like exercise) we can just say... to hell with it?

Another example... you send your kid to school but didn't have time to properly do their hair... do you spend the rest of the day refusing to change diapers or cook meals because you screwed up in the morning?!?! NO WAY!! But... so many of us make one mistake in the morning (like eating something we shouldn't have) and use that as a reason to do EVERYTHING wrong the rest of the day.

Hmm... maybe I'm on to something here.

When you start to see your health as a RESPONSIBILITY.. you start to make the time for it, and do it! Even when you DON'T WANT TO!!

Run Forrest!

Okay.. in the last 6 days I have ran a little over 30 miles. Some nights my body feels like it wants to fall apart. Today, I headed out for a 10 miler. I've NEVER ran 10 miles. But it's amazing that I left the house knowing that I was GOING to DO IT! I never thought for a second that it might be too hard.... or that I might not make it. I have this new found ability to make my mind up when it comes to exercise and diet... and I follow through! It's insane... and I LOVE IT! I barely kept my "goal pace" today. Running in just over 99 minutes. I would have loved to run it faster, but I'm pretty much just stoked that I ran it at all.

Every day I realize that there really is NO limit to what can be accomplished. We set our limits, WE convince ourselves that it can't be done, but it's simply not true. I am the only one standing in the way of reaching my potential. My goal for this month, to get the hell out of my way and run myself to that 125 lb goal that I set 9 months ago when I thought it would be IMPOSSIBLE to attain it. HOLY CRAP GIRLS!! I'm doing it!! After 10 miserable years full of excuses and limitations, I'm learning how strong I really am!

Before Pics

These are the pics I took at the beginning of the competition! Just wanted to post them... I need to take some after pics soon for the month!

Last year I had so much fun with these pictures. A friend would put them side by side for me and the difference was INCREDIBLE!! Can't wait to get some after pics today for the first month. I just hope my friend will make me more side by sides! (HINT HINT!!) I will never forget the first time I did these pics! So humbling. I was determined to never look like that again. I think those pics have helped me to be successful along the way. It was extra accountability for me. Every month I couldn't lie to the camera... and every month I was so excited to see the difference!

WINNERS!!

I just wanted to say that I saw Robyn T. at the gym yesterday and she looks incredible! Congrats Robyn. You are one tough gal and I know you will be just as fierce next month.. Seriously girls.. you should all be scared of this girl!!

Elise happens to be my SIL and I'm so happy for her. She is very strong willed and it's only fitting that she would lose 17 lbs if for nothing else then to prove that she can! LOVE YOU ELISE!!

Angela is also my SIL and I am SO excited for her 15 lb loss. She has been at my house on my treadmill DAILY.. walking/running/walking sideways and after that she shreds with Jillian on my TV! Her determination and hardwork is inspiring and it seriously makes me cry just thinking about her doing this!! I told her today that 9 months ago I was bigger than she is now.. 9 months is NOT THAT LONG AGO!! I KNOW that she can do this!! I'm so excited to be a small part of this journey for her and can't wait to share clothes with her! ;o)

And MISTY!! Oh Dear Misty. You better stop acting like you are sucking it up cause 12 lbs is nothing to sneeze at! ;o) Your pics from today are AMAZING!! Seriously, I saw you a month ago and look at you now!! WOWZA!!

Everyone did GREAT this month. I love that people are making healthy changes in their lives and recognizing places they can improve.

Another month, another goal. At some point in the next few weeks I am going to get to my "I'll never be smaller than" goal. When I first started this journey I thought that 125 sounded impossible... but anything smaller than that would be insane. SO 125 was my ultimate goal. (Now that I'm almost there.. I know it is POSSIBLE to be "smaller than" that goal!) I know it will be very symbolic when I get there... can't wait! Watch out girls! I already threatened October!! 120's here I come!!

Weigh in....

Today is the big day! Some of you are dancing circles naked in your bathroom as I type, while others are going over the entire month in their head and seeing everything they did wrong. Some of you are probably just frustrated and pissed off because you worked so hard and didn't get the results you wanted to see. To all of you I say:

DON'T GIVE UP!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! YOU ARE AMAZING!!!

My official weigh in is down 7.4 lbs. 5.37%!!!!! I LOVE THIS!!. Soon I will be in the 120's but today... I think I'll celebrate a little. Not going to go crazy or anything.. but I might break a rule or two as long as I stay in my allotted calories... I would REALLY like something sweet... but not too sweet.. my splurge might totally end up being a frappucino... oh... how I love coffee! (It's my anti-depressant! Don't judge me! ;o) ) Congrats to whomever wins this month. I have my suspicions.. we'll see if I'm right!

Dear October:

Dear October:
I am very grateful that you will be here shortly. I've been working so hard at this weight loss stuff all of September, that I would really like a small break. My obsession has become too much to bear and I LONG to switch it up but fear that I must not do anything different until you are here.
I promise that I will stick to my diet and exercise routines but seriously... I never want to eat oatmeal again!! Is that too much to ask? I also want to give up salads at least for a couple weeks. I have grown fond and then unfond of romaine lettuce over the course of your predecessor... BLAH to tomatoes and cucumbers... blah to anything that tastes like salad! BLAH!!
I am frustrated/scared that I have been at a plateau for 1.5 weeks. I got down to 131.4 but can't seem to see that number again. 132 is killing me and I LONG for 120 anything. I promise not to steal any Halloween candy, not to drink ANY calories, and to bust my butt if you promise to let me and the 120's become acquaintances. I also would like you to allow me to say good bye to my friend the 130's FOR GOOD!!
My commitment to you, my dear friend October, is that if you allow me to reach my goal I will be just as healthy next year. I swear that I will not weigh a single ounce more at the beginning of our next meeting as I do at the end of this years meeting.
So... PLEASE OH PLEASE... come soon and let me kick some butt while you are present. Oh.. and please don't rain too much.. I've got a half marathon to train for! ;o)
Sincerely,
Your friend in health and fitness,
Karilynn

PS- If for whatever reason you don't allow me to reach my goals, I will have you removed from the calendar forever! This is not a threat! It's a PROMISE!

This weekend was a whole lot of fun. I had the opportunity to run 8 miles on Saturday and I LOVED IT!! I realize that I really prefer to do long runs in the morning so I'm thinking I may try to find a sitter on Wednesdays so that I'm not running 6 miles in the evening. I don't mind the short runs at night, but umm... last Wednesday was not the funnest run of my life.
8 miles IS the longest I have ever ran in my life. I was AMAZED at how good I felt and excited when my pace was actually FASTER than my 6 mile run last week. (I averaged 9:34 this week!!) I was better prepared this time and actually brought an extra pair of ear phones, just in case! ;o) As I was running, I started thinking about how my legs just kept on going and I had this amazing thought... The human body was NEVER meant to run distances like this, but it's truly capable of ANYTHING. Marathon runners have mastered the "mind over matter" theory and seriously.... it's amazing that if our mind says KEEP ON RUNNING!!! Our body does it!

The rest of my weekend is probably not very interesting to you all. The highlights were, I got new running shoes (my knees were not liking me on my 8 miler) and... I ate a chocolate chip cookie! The shoes are AWESOME!!! The chocolate chip cookie.... NOT SO MUCH! I do appreciate that every choice, whether good or bad is a CONSCIOUS DECISION!! Mindless eating is a thing of the past... but seriously, eating that cookie made me feel incredibly guilty. It was just one dang cookie... but...

For Melissa

Okay.. so today I was talking to Melissa about running and she was asking me questions like: What do you do when you run for 2 hours to keep your mind occupied, and to keep going? (Hmm... I think she was questioning my sanity.) I kind of talked about music and random thoughts and that I really didn't know what I would think when I was running for 2 full hours.

Wednesdays are my longer weekday run (Saturdays are my crazy long run days). Today was 5 miles. I am still a little sore (specifically my butt) from the trainer on Monday so I wasn't exactly looking forward to the 5 miles I had to do today. [In case you are wondering, I googled how to train for a 1/2 marathon and printed out a schedule... I faithfully run EXACTLY what it says I have to each day!] My hubby got home and since it has been slightly cooler lately, I decided I should just get it over with.

Before I go any further... a little background. I have an obsessive personality, (in case you haven't noticed). I have several different runs, all carefully planned and mapped out, in 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 mile runs. SO... my 5 mile run IS MY 5 MILE RUN!! No dog, tractor, or construction worker can get in my path... I must run what I must run... I know.. I'm lame.

So... I head off to my 5 miler, I go up about 7 blocks and then head South. The road is closed about .25 miles ahead of where I turn but I always am able to maneuver my way through the construction, tractors, gravel, construction workers, etc... today is no exception. I run through them without too much struggle and continue on. I run through an intersection and out into the country roads... again there is another Road Closed sign... ARE YOU SERIOUS?!??! I look up ahead and see huge tractors but assume I will be able to run through them. I was beyond frustrated when I got past the tractors and saw that the road was FENCED OFF... SERIOUSLY?!?! I swear out loud. You know... like one of those 4 letter words that you NEVER want to hear your 2 year old or your grandmother say... something along the lines of "you've got to be @#$%$^# kidding me!!!" The construction guy looks at me and tells me I can go around the fence... hmm.... so I run down a dry canal only to find that the fence is connected to barbed wire, that goes on for miles in farmers fields... Screw it.. I'm small enough... I can fit through this damn fence... so I go through the barbed wire fence, then back out the barbed wire onto the road. By now I'm beyond frustrated and only about 1.5 miles into my run. I HATE stopping while I'm running. I feel like my whole run is ruined and almost convince myself that 5 miles is just too much to do today! UGH!!!! I convince myself that I HAVE to do it. 5 is the number on my calendar... 5 is what I am going to do. I keep running, all the while convincing myself that I can't do it... by the time I've finally distracted myself by really listening to the words of my music I am breathing better and KNOW that I have no choice... and I know it will be okay. I'm now 3 miles into my run when the song "Brick' comes on. I start to analyze the song. It reminds me of Mindy, and working at JB's and my HS boyfriend... and how Mindy made out with my HS boyfriend (who is now GAY)... ;o) And then... my wireless headphones die. 3.1 miles into my 5 mile run... MUSIC IS GONE!! Pretty sure I swear out loud AGAIN!!

So.. what do you do when you are running with no music and you feel like you are going to die? I started to think about my blog... what I would write. Crazy I know. I HATE excuses. And I thought... if I don't finish this stupid run, I'll have let the excuses win. (We are talking lameo excuses like... "the construction messed up MY run... it's not my fault!") I started thinking about the Biggest Loser. I HATE when Amanda starts talking about how she was "America's Choice" I'm always like... we didn't pick you out of a million people it was you or her...... and you SO aren't even close to one of my favorites... but.. in a sick perverted way... I know how she feels. I LOVE blogging because, I know that there are lots of people who read this .. even if they don't comment. And I feel an accountability to all of the people who are watching me.. to succeed! So... I kept running. At some point I thought... the only way this could get worse is if I got attacked by a dog or hit by a car. Neither of them happened. I finished my stupid run... huffing and puffing... and I was very amused when I looked at my timer/gps and saw that I had ran it 33 seconds faster than I've ran it before. GO FIGURE!!

Pain = Progress!!

Okay, so maybe I'm slightly sick in the head but... I LOVE BEING SORE after a good workout. Yesterday I went back to my amazing trainer . She seems to be getting a feel of what I can handle and yesterday she pushed me to a level she has yet to push me. Today, my biceps, pecs and glutes are sore!! WAHOO!! If my butt hurts that means it's becoming shapelier right? (And if you didn't notice in the pics from the last post, my butt is looking better and better! ;o) )

When we were doing this comp before, my 2nd child taught me a mantra I LOVE!! He said: "Mom, pain is just weakness leaving your body!" He was taught this saying by his gymnastics coach no doubt but I LOVE IT!! And I totally believe that pain DOES make us stronger (whether physically or mentally). When it comes to working out, pushing past the pain can be a struggle so for me, when I'm struggling to do something that is physically hard, I actually imagine the weakness drifting away, (like a soul in a ghost movie!) and it's amazing how much stronger I feel. We will never know how strong we are if we never push past the hard stuff. Pain = progress.

WLW competition pics!

These are the before and after pics from the competition I was in this summer! THANKS CHRISTY!!

Small Victories!

This weekend I:
Ran 6 miles in 58:04
WON my WLW competition!!
Bought size 7/8 pants!!

Excuses

Okay.. I LOVE the Biggest Loser! Seriously love it! Last night was the first night of the new season and it was so crazy to me. I've never sat there and watched it from this mind frame, I used to be a skeptical critic who identified with the people at the start. I totally understood how they got that way... how hard life is... and knew that they had some great advantage over me by being at the ranch. Something that I would never have (unless I gained 50 lbs and got on the show!) I realized though that there was a common denominator in the ginormous being of these individuals. EXCUSES!!!

These people are not unique! They are beautiful people who piled a crap load of excuses onto their spoons and ate it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 20 snacks during the day. Excuses like:
Life is hard.
Life is busy.
It's too hard to lose weight.
It's too hard to exercise.
It's too hard to diet.
It's too expensive to eat healthy.
I'll do it when I turn 40! (Okay this was one of the guys on the show... SERIOUSLY!?!?!? wHEN YOU ARE 40?!?!? WHy don't you just wait and do it after you die?!)
Another EXCUSE... I'm an emotional eater.

We are all in this boat because we let our excuses dictate our lives. Isn't it time we throw all the damn excuses away and admit to our problem?? How bout saying, "I have no self control?" "I don't value myself enough to care." Or, I LIKE FOOD MORE THAN ME!!

The truth. I was fat because I didn't care enough to do the work. I was fat for 10 years because it was never a priority to be smaller. I was happy that way.

I tell women all the time that when they start a weight loss program, people EXPECT them to fail. It's true. They want you to succeed but they KNOW you're not gonna!! Mindy just posted about the fire she has found, the fire that you will see with the contestants on the Biggest Loser. My response: "I tell girls that when you start a weight loss goal, people expect you to fail. REALLY!! THEY DO!! I think that when we "diet" without the fire it is because we too.. expect ourselves to fail. That fire is your mind saying... THIS IS IT!! I'M DOING IT THIS TIME!! Screw trying... I WILL really succeed!! "

You want the fire. Then make the decision. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Take it and use it to become a new you!

New me...

Yesterday seemed to have a theme. While working out with Lisa (I think I was doing some lunge things while holding huge weights) she mentioned my blog. I put a link to it on facebook the other day and she happened to have a minute to check it out. She told me that she was so proud of how far I'd come, that she hadn't realized where I had been and she asked me "Do you feel like a completely different person, like your old self?" Hmm... I wasn't sure how to answer that.

Last night I was talking to my SIL who recently had her third baby. She mentioned briefly how she had been having some serious mood swings and that one of her harder topics for the day was that she wasn't just HER. She is trying to lose the baby fat and didn't want to take before pics because she felt like that would be admitting that this was WHO she is and that where she was wasn't really her. Hmm.... here we are at that theme.

So.. I wanted to tell you all the answer to Lisa's question.
I am me. The same person I have always been. I am happier and healthier but just as hilarious and fun as I was when I was 110 lbs and 200 lbs. I am MOM! I love that. I know that we struggle to find identity and I totally get that women get overwhelmed from time to time with being MOM and not Karilynn. I am totally okay with that. I don't care if people know my name. I'm content to be Damon's mom. I am content to be Darin's wife. This is a huge part of my identity. That being said, I really am my own person. I find exercise is a great time to define myself as an individual. I feel great when I am running (total lie... it hurts!! ...okay I feel mentally great). I love that I am FINALLY doing this! Finally doing for myself what I do for my kids and my spouse. Taking care of ME.

When I started this journey I had a fear of losing myself. I had always hid behind the excuse that I really was OKAY with who I was. I liked who I had become. I appreciate all the experiences in my life that have got me to this moment, even the not-so-glamorous ones... because those experiences are what have shaped me. I didn't want to become someone I didn't know.. or like "those" girls. Maybe some of you feel this way... I'm not sure BUT... I wanted to let you know... that that excuse and all that fear was totally in vane. You will always be you. Just add a little confidence and an actual desire to shop (I hated shopping cause NOTHING was cute on me!) and a little more knowledge of how strong you REALLY are... and you find the "new" you. And honestly, when a person is HAPPY in life, it radiates to those around them. I never knew how much happier I could be as a person but the difference is obvious. My family life is improved dramatically.. my children are happier, my husband is happier. Loving life.

Umm.. and my SIL has mentioned to me before that sex is better when you are thin... Totally agree! ;o)

WAHOO!!

I met this gal a few years ago at a friends Christmas party. She is a lot like many of us, a mother, a wife, a friend. After struggling with her weight for years, she has found a spark! Inspired by gals who have lost weight the good ol' fashioned way, she has decided to put it all out there and go for it!! Please add DEBBIE to your links. http://lookatmeshrink.blogspot.com/ She is READY to DO IT this time around and would love all the support, encouragement, and honesty she can get!

Weight loss humor = weight loss reality!!

At the end of our last competition, Nicholette posted this video. I LOVE it! As I've been bustin' my butt, I've ran into MANY women who say they've tried EVERYTHING and would do ANYTHING but really, honestly, when I say, well... I'VE cut out white flour and sugar, and I exercise 5-7 days a week they say. "WOW!! I couldn't do that!!" Often times they list of all of their excuses, the same excuses we all have. Children, stress, work, school, etc.... Really??? I remember when my mom had gastric bypass. I WISHED I was overweight enough to get it.. because I just couldn't imagine EVER losing the weight. I had had Dr.'s tell me to limit calories, etc.. but I had decided it was impossible. I knew I could NEVER afford a trainer like all those people who lose weight on the Biggest Loser, or celebrities who drop pounds after they have babies Etc... (and for the record, my FIRST official day with a trainer is MONDAY! I've lost 65 lbs without a TRAINER!! With the support of fantastic friends and a few competitions!!) I just didn't know a whole lot of people who lost a lot of weight the good old fashioned way. EAT LESS, MOVE MORE!!!

How hard are you willing to work? How bad do you want it?

Farkle

I play this game on facebook called FARKLE! It's a dice game and you have the option to play against other random people. It's basically more a game of luck then it is a game of skill and sometimes the dice just won't roll in your favor. I've found that when I complain to the other player (cause there is a chat window in the game) the dice start to be nicer to me. SOO.... I was very shocked this morning to see this :

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HOLY GEEZE!!! I weighed myself 6 times in a row to make sure this was an actual weight and not a fluke. WOW!! I guess complaining a little goes a long way sometimes.

Screw you 136!!

*THE FOLLOWING POST IS MY REFLECTION ON A NUMBER!! IT IS NOT TO INSINUATE IN ANY WAY/SHAPE OR FORM THAT I THINK I'M FAT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I'M JUST WORKING TOWARDS A GOAL AND SEEING NO PROGRESS!!! ;o)*

I'm sorry for being vulgar but umm... really... if I see the number 136 on that damn scale one more time.... UGH!!!!! Yesterday my morning weigh in was 135.0 DANG not 134.9 but I decided I would take it and be happy about it. This morning 136.2 AH!!! I get that weight fluctuates and I could just be better hydrated than I was yesterday morning but GEEZE!!! I've been doing this 138-135 fluctuation for a month! All the while I've been busting my ASS!!! Running, shredding, dieting like an obsessive freak and STILL I cannot get away from this stupid number! I'm at the end of another competition where I am in position to win something but the weight just wants to hang around. Today, I'm starting a new diet thing.... just to break this stupid plateau! Honestly girls, as I type I am intermittently GAGGING down oatmeal JUST because my Trainer said it's good for me. BLECK!! I've put so much cinnamon in it that it looks like those brown no bake cookie things. I think I've eaten about half of it in 30 minutes. that would be 1/6 of a cup of oatmeal. LOL!! On the flip side I must admit that my body is firmer. Honestly, I still have a doughnut in the middle but am almost rid of love handles. I can't even believe it!! I am also completely rid of my boobs. REALLY!! I could feel the disappointment radiating from my husband the last time he went for a squeeze and realized they were officially gone. It's actually kind of a hard thing to deal with. I understand why women get breast augmentation surgery. It's a confidence thing. Some days I sit back in awe of how far I've come, but others I worry of becoming complacent. I know that I've come a long way and I'm SO proud that I have done it... but I also KNOW that I have a little ways to go... I guess I should know better... it has never been easy. I don't even want it to be easy. I just want to see my ass on the floor when I've worked it off. I'm with Vicki on this one! "I despise losing -- unless it is fat off of my butt!"

Cheat dream

Okay.. so last time around I would occasionally dream about eating reese's peanut butter cups. Those dreams always made me laugh. The best part was that I could actually taste the peanut buttery chocolaty goodness in my dream. Last night, I had another cheat dream. This time it was twix. They were so caramelly and delicious but also way too sweet AND I felt so bad while I was eating it. Like I was doing something very bad! LOL
So... who knows what other dreams I will have. I keep counting calories in my dreams among other things. If only workouts done while sleeping burnt calories! ;o)
On a completely seperate note: My scale is missing. No really, it just disappeared. It was brought downstairs on Friday night and has not been seen since. I'm pretty much FREAKING out! I generally weigh myself obsessively. No like at least 10 times a day. Unhealthy... PROBABLY but either way. It's gone. I've searched the whole house... I may have to go buy a new one today. How does a scale just up and walk away?? UGH!!

7 months in pictures.

I had my husband take this pic on a night I was feeling particularly sexy! Lol! I was sure that one day this picture would mean something to me. You gals who did this with us last time around might remember this pic.. my inability to smile and my husbands disinterest in taking the picture. It was taken exactly 7 months ago! (After I'd lost at least 15 lbs)

This picture was taken today. 7 months... can you believe it?

Great day!

Okay.. so after asking my trainer friends a million questions about over consumption, drinking too much water and blah blah blah, I decided to ask if she does consults. I felt kind of guilty taking her expertise for free when she deserves to be paid. ;o) So, today I went over to her gym/house to get my consult/butt kicked! (She did a consult WITH a training session!) I learned so many new things. Stuff I had never thought of, or never really understood. #1 rule... Stick your boobs out! It 's a posture thing... check out her blog about it: http://www.crazibeautiful.com/GirlfriendToGirlfriend/ExpertHome.aspx?postID=128 This is something I am going to work on! I know that the shape of my mid section would be very different if I walked with my shoulders back and my chest out... so that's one thing I'm going to really think about this week!
Another thing she told me that I thought was interesting was that there is no way to be TOO small when you are losing weight the healthy way. I guess I was so worried that there was a healthy number and that beyond that made me crazy! So it was good to hear that as long as I am losing weight the healthy way, with diet and exercise and not depriving myself of ANYTHING, it would be OKAY if I weighed less than 115 lbs... or even if I weighed 125 if my body fat % was good. SO... I'm not limiting my weight loss, but not insisting on a small number either. This means... if I get below 115 lbs, you will all have to deal with me! ;o) LOL!!
I ALSO got my butt kicked and LOVED it! I'm going to be working out with her once a week. I'm so excited to have an extra boost.. wish I could go everyday lol! But once a week is all I can do right now and I'm so thrilled for the opportunity.
My goal is really just to be healthy/fit/learn how to eat right. So... I'm ready to get some muscle tone and lose the little doughnut tire around my belly! YAY!!

Under-consumption

Every time I plateau people tell me that I'm probably not eating enough so I set my calories and make sure I eat to those calories. WELL... lately I've been at a plateau AGAIN and decided to ask an expert. See... sometimes, women make excuses for our entire sex. I.E. "Oh.. you don't have to do the vacuuming/laundry if you don't feel like it! YOU'RE pregnant!" Or.. "you aren't overweight, you just have 4 boys", and of course, we can always blame ANYTHING on the TOM! I just wanted to double check that under consumption was real and not another excuse we feed each other to some how feel better about the situation.
I e-mailed a friend who is a personal trainer and let her know what my calorie restrictions were and how much exercise I was doing to which she responded this:

Yes! You are under consuming! If you are working out that much you should be eating a lot more. I bet your RMR is more than 1200!! You should probably be closer to 2000. I know that sounds like a lot and it is - but if you are doing all that you are, your body needs it. I wouldn't necessarily hit 2000 but I would definitely get at least 16-1700 in. What happens is, when you are not eating enough your body goes into a "starvation mode" where it will store everything you eat for fear it just won't get enough. That will slow down your metabolism and you can actually get what is called metabolic syndrome (google it - it's pretty scary) You don't want that to happen. So eat a bit more - just make sure they are good calories.

YES!! Finally a real answer to my burning question. Back in January, when I shed more than 13 pounds, I wasn't counting calories at all. I JUST took out the WHITE flour and sugar, limited my carb intake and exercised. I was still eating PLENTY of calories and honestly, it was my best month all year. After that month I got all obsessive about calories and blah blah blah and ended up in this frenzy trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. The real question I always had was HOW MANY?? If I'm counting calories and exercising... HOW MANY STINKIN' CALORIES AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT ALREADY!?!?!?!? I kept hearing to "eat more" but HOW MUCH MORE?!? Well girls. Today I will up my calories to 1650. If I end up ballooning out of control... I will know who to blame! ;o)

Starting weight

Intro

Hmm.. I have had this blog for so long that I tend to forget that alot of you don't know me! I started out this year at 198 lbs but was able to join the first BL contest after the original cut off date. (I had been overweight for 9 years at the time!!!) I managed to lose around 55 lbs during that competition!! The transformation has been remarkable and I have enjoyed sharing my journey with others who may be struggling.
My main diet change was to take out SUGAR and WHITE FLOUR! Eventually I also started counting calories. Along the way I have gone from walking (while huffing and puffing) to running and I'm currently training for a 1/2 marathon in November!
A couple things I totally suggest are taking before pics. Of course, when I took pics I NEVER planned to share them with ANYONE, EVER!! But, as I could see the difference from month to month, I was incredibly grateful that I had done it. I also recommend doing measurements. It's a fun way to track your progress. Both of these things were suggested to me and have been a huge motivation in my journey. I think seeing it down on paper/computer screen made everything REAL for me! One other thing that made the difference for me was THROW AWAY ALL YOUR EXCUSES!! I had a list of them... they were fairly legitimate BUT they were still excuses. You will have to learn to balance life with "you time" and I promise that once you find that balance you will never be the same!
We all deserve to feel great about ourselves and our bodies. Know that YOU are the only one standing in your way!