I lied when I said I "don't care if you think I'm selfish." It was a fib...
I can't get over it. I keep thinking that I must somehow be unbalanced... that I need to figure this out.... but after 2 weeks of distress I've discovered something.
I can't give to anyone when I don't give to myself.
I have spent 2 weeks being self-loathing and depressed. I've gone out of my way to NOT go out of my way for me. I've skipped the gym.. I've skipped the whole foods store... I've tried to make due with what my husband and children INSIST on making due with and as a result: I HATE LIFE! I hate everything about it. I haven't upped my game and become more giving to you or anyone else because I am NOT CAPABLE OF IT in this state of mind.
I NEED to be selfish. I HAVE to make time for me. I HAVE to feed me right in order to be happy, healthy, outgoing, kind, energetic, beautiful, eager to serve my kiddos, eager to serve you.
You have to choose... do you want depressed, self-loathing, lazy me OR do you want happy, energetic, selfish me? There is no balance.. it's one or the other... I am an extreme woman... there is no in between.