Monday, July 18, 2011

Tired

I have recently realized that I have not only let myself go... but I have let everything go.  I cannot remember a time in my adult life when I allowed my house to be a disaster ALL THE TIME!!  Granted.. I have 4 boys... but for the most part I have always cleaned my house on a daily basis.  I strongly dislike the place I live... and I use it as an excuse to let it look like a shit hole... and it's driving me insane. 
It's hard to look around and realize that in a house of 6 people.. I'm the ONLY one who GIVES A SHIT!  The whole thing translates to me being the only one who has any desire or sense of responsibilty to NOT live in a shit whole... it's overwhelming.. I'm really mad.  I am tired.  Tired of being unhealthy.... tired of being ashamed when my boys open the front door and their is a stranger on my porch.  Tired of walking in the house and walking past something that surely needs to be picked up.  Tired of everything. 
It's 5:15 in the morning and I'm getting ready for spin class.  I'm done not caring anymore!  I just hope caring doesn't kill me.

2 comments:

Inspired said...

It's exhausting trying to juggle life-being mom, wife, chauffer, chef and maid. AND BE HEALTHY TOO?! That's why God made us amazing, cause we can do it!!! And you will, you do, and you can!

Spar-Mar Girl said...

Wow. It's like you can read my mind! I'm constantly having this conversation with Adam and the kids. It definitely gets overwhelming! I've decided that just like everything else, there is a cycle to our comfort zone. Sometimes we're in it, and sometimes we're not. Good for you for not wallowing and working on making it better! Just remember that sometimes boys are dumb, and girls rule! (that's a common conversation in our house lately) You CAN do it!