Monday, April 5, 2010

Eating to live... or eating to die?

I've noticed a trend with me. For the most part I LOVE LIFE!! I'm a pretty positive, happy, person and I have found a ton of confidence and LOVE for everyday life especially as I have continued to reach goals. I believe that life is beautiful... and most days I want to live till I'm 383. I eat right because I know that what I put into my mouth directly effects how long I will be around for my husband, children and family. I EAT TO LIVE!! Because I LOVE LIVING!!!
So.. this weekend I realized something. I AM NOT AN EMOTIONAL EATER... some days though... when I feel like I'm being beaten down OVER AND OVER... when I feel like my efforts are in disarray.. that my balance is off... that I'm under appreciated and over criticised... when I'm PMSy, bloated and exhausted...those days.. when I feel like life is hard... I eat to die.
I don't eat sugar to "treat myself" I eat it to PUNISH MYSELF! I don't over-indulge or go crazy on portion sizes because I have no self control... I do it because I am intentionally trying to take minutes off my life. I surely don't want to die... but in moments of struggle... I surrender myself to my own sabotage and EAT like it doesn't matter. Like LIFE doesn't matter. Like being around for my kids and grandkids and 383rd birthday DOESN'T MATTER!!
It's been a rough weekend. And there has been plenty of available bad choices. I ate like I didn't care if there was no tomorrow... and today, I'm switching gears.
TODAY.. my punishment is EXERCISE!! Today.. I'm going to get to the gym (again) and kick my own ass. Today I'm reclaiming those minutes I ate away over the weekend.


getbornmagmomma said...

I read your Jeopardy post over at the get born fan page and just wanted to say that I feel your pain, and am so sorry for the conflict in your life right now. It's downright exhausting and debilitating, pouring so much of the energy we want to give our kids into what at times feels like a black hole, sucking the soul right out of us. Good luck to you, figuring it all out. When we do our Northern Colorado get born event, maybe we can meet and bitch together.

Jack said...


that's all.

just WOW!!!