1000 Miles??

I've been trying to find some sort of goal/focus to get me back on track.  I would love to do another Sprint Triathlon this year and plan on doing another half marathon in June, but I've been looking for something to do right now without much luck.  A friend of mine posted something on her facebook yesterday.  Her goal for the year is to run 1000 miles.  That's a little less than 20 miles a week.. and it sounds BRILLIANT to me!!  I mean really.. why the heck not right?  How fun to keep track of every mile I run with some long/shortterm goal in mind. 

1000 Miles?  Sounds like a plan! ;)

My Lists

I often get asked how to stay motivated to succeed in weight loss.  I wish I had some perfect answer, or that I could simply bottle it and give out samples... but the reality is.. I CANNOT MOTIVATE OTHERS.  We all have different things that drive us.  Different things that keep us going.  Different reasons why we want to succeed.  I am no exception to this.  I must find motivation on days I want to give up.  I HAVE to drag my butt to the gym some days.  I make nutritional bloopers.  I have PMS and chocolate cravings and some days I'm a wreck. 

Life is hard. 

When people ask me for help, I ask them to make 2 lists.  One - of all the reasons they want to succeed and one - of all of the obstacles standing in their way. (You would be surprised how many people NEVER bother making these lists when they realize I have no quick fix.)

And so, for your viewing pleasure.... my NEW lists:

Why I Want to Succeed:

1.  To prove it can be done.  I have done so well in the past at losing, I figured out maintaining for about a year... but when life got harder... I sort of lost it.  Must pull it together again.

2.  To fit [comfortably] into all the cute jeans I was wearing this time last year.

3.  To be a role model.  This is where I would have said, to be around for my kids longer etc... etc... but my focus HAS to change from this.  My 60 year old, incredibly health conscious mother in law has pancreatic cancer and will most likely be gone before spring.... I used to believe that healthy lifestyles = long lives, but it simply isn't true.  This will be my biggest obstacle.  It is incredibly hard mentally for me to work SO hard knowing that all my hard work could be in vein.  MUST find a new focus as my 383rd birthday is simply not a guarantee.

4.  To NOT be a hypocrite.  I know that's probably lame... but I don't want to have to eat all these pretty words I've been typing for 2 years.  I know it's possible... so damn it, I'm going to stick to it.

5.  To fit into the scrubs I bought for school that are too tight to wear in public.  (I start school in 2 weeks and seriously, I bought one pair of scrubs that shouldn't be too tight but are!) BOO!!

6.  To continue to inspire others to dig in and find their motivation.

7.  To keep that WOW factor.  (I can't help but love the "I can't believe you have 4 kids, you are so tiny" comments.

8.  To feel good about me.  Exercise and eating right make me feel euphoric.  Don't want to lose it.

9.  To live life without becoming complacent.  I do not want to be the person who gives up on what I really want because I fall into the "good enoughs." NO NO NO!!!

10.  To be HEALTHY!!  That's right boys and girls.. even though there are no guarantees in quantity of life, I can surely guarantee myself QUALITY of life. 

My Obstacles:

1.  My 4 kiddos.  I don't want to sacrifice time with my children.  I used to believe I was buying myself time, it was a fair trade.  Now, I realize that there is no guarantee that I'm buying time so...

2. School.  I start nursing school in 2 weeks!

3.  Money.  Eating right isn't cheap.

5.  Pancreatic cancer.  My mom-in-laws diagnois of this disease has destroyed a lot of my drive.  Some days, I wonder why I should even bother with all this hard work?  Why should I skip out on overindulgence?  Why bother exercising?  Because none of that seems to matter to pancreatic cancer.  I don't want to die.  And this disease has been a huge reminder to me that life is not guaranteed.  And it pretty much pisses me off.

6. My husband.  My husband has always been my biggest hurdle.  He scowls at me when I cook myself healthy food.  He makes snotty comments when I go to the gym.  He openly voices his annoyance when I spend money on food for myself because ultimately he refuses to eat the way I do.   He even mentioned to me yesterday that he has "no faith in me." As he rolled his eyes at my mention of potty training my 2 year old.  Sometimes I think he WANTS ME to feel like crap.  That he prefers a less confidant me.  He is my sabotage.  He is the one obstacle that I seem to always let defeat me.  I have spent 2 years trying to find a balance only to discover that he is only happy when I don't do for me. 

Reality check:  My list of obstacles is my list of excuses.  In the past I've checked these off the list, one by one... and now... I must figure out how to do it all over again.  Everything is different now.  I am different now.  I have come to realize that there are no guarantees in life, something I used to be sort of, blind to.  I have used my love for life as a motivating factor to DO... and now, I've got to find a whole new reason to succeed.   

 Anyone out there reading, I would love to know....

WHAT DRIVES YOU??? 

 And in case you were interested, here is MY LIST of reasons from day one of this blogging adventure! 

I wonder...

This morning, as I fished my yoga pants from the bottom of my drawer, I couldn't help but laugh at the idea that those particular pants had been "trying not to get their hopes up" every other day I had reached in that drawer for the last 2 months! ;)

Treadmill class sort of felt like punishment for 2 months of being bad.  I ran just a little over 5.5 miles and never quit.. though I felt like dying.  I actually was really interested in the other women on the treadmills.  OF the 10 in the class, at least 5 of them stopped repeatedly during the workout to do things like; drink their water, wipe their face, or stretch.  I see those things as EXCUSES to stop and wondered how many of them had any idea what it meant to REALLY work hard.  It was like a bunch of women who had NO CLUE what it is like to be OBESE.  I found myself wishing so badly that the other ladies in the cardio room were on those machines.  Those ladies are the ones I relate to.. the ones busting their ass at the gym, feeling like it is IMPOSSIBLE to be one of the gals on the treadmill.  I wanted to scream out.. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!  But, I couldn't breath and refused to stop so I just kept on running!

Food for today:

Breakfast: 2 egg whites, 1/4 cup oats cooked in water with 1 t honey and a little cinnamon

Midmorning Snack: One scoop of protein shake (125 calories and 21 g protein) with a small fuji apple.

Lunch: Chicken salad which consisted of 1 roma tomatoe, romaine lettuce, 4.3 ounces of chicken sauteed in balsamic vinegar, a little feta cheese and 2 T of vinageratte dressing (45 calories in 2 T.)

This was YUMMY!!!

Dinner: Taco salad with no processed carbs so.,.. meat, cheese, light sourcream, avocado, FF refried beans, olives, onions, tomato and a WHOLE LOTTA LETTUCE. (This meal was probably way more calories then I needed in one sitting). 

Dessert: (This is a rarity) One tiny scoop (about 1 oz) of mint chocolate brownie ice cream. (It was a birthday party.)

So food wasn't perfect but it was SO much better!  I drank at least 80 ozs of water today and didn't feel hungry at all! :)  Tomorrow is another day.  Can't wait!

Day 1... sorta...

 I decided to start this thing today, even though I knew that day one would NOT be the best example.  I chose this day because last night was my last shift at the hospital. I got home at 7:30 this morning and slept until around 11:45.  This of course means the day looks a lot like a big mess... and I spent most of it on the verge of exhaustion.
Regardless.... todays (VERY BAD) example is:
12 ozs of coffee with 2 packets of truvia and 1 T milk.
One orange
Two 70 calorie string cheeses
One small chili from Wendy's with cheese and onions
One half of a half cobb salad from Wendys
probably around 40 ozs of water
NO EXERCISE.
Lots of things were wrong with this day.  I did NOT consume enough calories, I didn't drink enough water, and I didn't exercise (although I did do a lot of walking/shopping today! ;) )
Tomorrow will be a normal day.  Hopefully the blog will look much better tomorrow evening.
First thing in the morning.. I'm hitting a treadmill class at the gym! YAY!!!

UGH-liness

I moved. 
 I got a job.

I have been eating crap.

I have not been exercising.

I have gained 7 lbs in 2 months. 

Yesterday was the last day of my job.

(My AMAZING Mother-in-law was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer so I resigned from my job to be home to support my family!)

I have a gym membership.

I have a plan.

Starting TODAY!! 

I am going to lose 10 lbs in one month. 

I am going to exercise at least 5 times a week.

And record all of my activity and everything I eat on this blog DAILY.

I am going to get back to my healthy way of life.

I'm hitting the grocery store and stocking up on produce and protein sources.

I'm going to drink 80-100 ozs of water a day!

I'm going to start feeling AMAZING again! 

Starting weight 132.6!  First thing after I woke up from my last graveyard this afternoon.  THIS IS IT!!  UGH!!

I would love comments!  The more people I know are reading, the more motivated I am.  I love feeling accountable.  Like somehow I'm making a difference.  I love proving that things that seem impossible REALLY ARE possible.  So.. hold me accountable.  :)  ONE MONTH!!  In one month I will be back to 122 lbs or less!  WOOT WOOT!