I've been trying to imagine what I would write on the first day of the new year. I must admit, I never expected to be anticipating so much change in the next 365 days. I face this new year with FEAR. Fear for what we may be encountering, that I might not be able to hold it together, that I might become more vulnerable and less confidant in the world around me. It's already starting of course, I struggle daily to find a new focus.. one that doesn't involve time... and time is something I desperately strive to overcome. Whatever is to come in the next year, I pray for strength to not lose myself.
I'm starting nursing school in 10 days. I'm excited and nervous. I am smart, I know I will do fantastic... but I'm also easily annoyed and don't like stupid people. I get frustrated with people who repeatedly ask stupid questions. I am sort of a social oddity. I'm funny, clever, whitty, blunt, honest, intelligent, and did I mention I hate stupid people? I just honestly have no idea if I will have a single friend in school, because few people get me, or should I say?? Few people can keep up with me. It's funny that I worry about this because the reality is, I don't REALLY care if people LIKE me... but I do care when they don't. I am not used to having peers. I have been out of school for 12.5 years. I identify with my fat self, which makes no sense to people who didn't know me when I was bigger. UGH!! I guess maybe this year I should just figure out who the hell I am!!
So here goes.. my goals for 2011. The things I CAN CONTROL!!!
I will run 1000 miles this year, including at least 2 half marathons and one sprint triathlon.
I will get down to my maintenance weight and stay between 120-125 lbs.
I will THRIVE (not just survive) in nursing school.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.