Days go by

Okay... so a few things are going on in my world. First, I ran another 5k yesterday. It was awesome... but not exactly what I expected. According to my GPS it wan't quite 5k so the time really doesn't count AND... they ran out of water.. which I thought was pretty lame. My hubby is excited that I got a fancy new shirt [for him]. I am SUPPOSED to be running a 10k next week, but I never registered because I was low on cash and now... hmm... I just don't know if I can justify spending the money when we are so poor. BLAH!

It's been our week of celebration in the city my hubby grew up in and true to form, we go to a couple parades and usually sit with his extended family. Well, Friday night we went and it was fun. No one really said ANYTHING to me about my body, shape, weight, whatever... they pretty much just ignored me like they do every year. Well.. Saturday we went to the next parade with the same bunch of them and one of his cousins went up to HIM and asked him what drug I was on! LOL!! I think it's a riot that at this point people assume I'm living on ally and veggies.... OR that I've had some kind of invasive surgery. Seriously.. people seem completely shocked when they hear the response... well... 2 drugs... DIET and EXERCISE!! No really... people seem like they think we are full of it and that I am hiding my new "secret" success tips. HAHA!!

One other thing... my weight is fluctuating a ton. I don't really understand it but my pants don't seem to notice the change in weight. Like today I'm 3.5 lbs more than 3 days ago, but my pants aren't any tighter. UGH!! I wish that weight wasn't meant to fluctuate and that a gain was a gain and a loss was a loss, it just isn't that simple is it? I must keep counting calories. It's amazing how life tries desperately to get in the way but... I'm not going to let it! BOO TO YOU LIFE!!! YOU DON'T OWN ME! ;o)

Moments of Weakness

Warning: While the following post is meant to be inspirational and a reminder that we are all human... it may contain at least one excuse! Please bare with me on this one:

Moments of Weakness: Okay.. so we all have them... some more often than others. Some people take them and use them to become stronger, while OTHERS use them as a pivotal excuse in never overcomng their struggles. We've all heard the saying "that which doesn't kill us will make us stronger." This saying is SO true... if you allow it to happen!

A friend of mine recently posted about her weekend of bad eating, no exercise etc. I was thinking about my own "bad days"! That's right... lately, I've been eating way off of my diet mostly because I don't have money to go to the store and get the food I need. (LAME ExCuSe I KNOW BUT I'M BROKE!!)

So while I'm sitting at my computer eating pepperidge farm goldfish I'm telling myself, "payday is Friday... until then... goldfish will be my staple. They don't have THAT many carbs and look at the protein content of these bad-boys!" What I've learned from this last little while of eating badly is that these moments of struggle are SO important in me learning about eating as a lifestyle change. We hear people say all the time that they fell off the wagon and never got back up. I would challenge every one to FALL OFF THE WAGON, repeatedly if you must. Every time you hop back on, you learn a lot about yourself. You learn how to maintain weight loss. You learn how to lose the weight gained from a bad weekend. I KNOW that if I have a bad week, maybe I gain a lb or 2 or maybe I don't lose an ounce... that if I stick firm to my "NUTRITIONAL PREFERENCES" for a week, I can make up that gain and then some. I would NEVER have learned this if I hadn't fallen off the wagon a time or two. I remember being SO afraid that one bite of that cupcake would put me completely over the edge and I would be huge before I knew it.

Is there a point to this story? LOL! I feel like I'm on a tangent. The point is that when you have a bad weekend and use that as an excuse to drive over the edge, you only have yourself to blame. BUT when you have a bad weekend and hop back on the wagon come Monday, you might be doing yourself more good than you realize! (OKAY DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A FREE FOR ALL EVERY WEEKEND!!) Can you reach your goals? ABSOLUTELY!! It's okay to have a little fun.... just make sure you keep going in the same direction and never give up on yourself. You are your greatest ally and your greatest enemy. Draw strength from your moments of weakness. Allow yourself to be human. And always remember that you are worth the effort. :o)

My list of excuses!

So... I have met lots of gals in different stages of life who ask for guidance in weight loss. Some are willing to admit that they have a lot of excuses while others are only willing to validate all of their excuses I only had one good excuse left and yesterday, I was reminded that it was not only invalid... but NOT a good excuse. I thought that for fun I would list my many excuses because I think they are the same excuses that others struggle with, so in no particular order here is a list of all the reasons I was fat for 10 years with a few confessions along the way!!

- I can't take time away from my kids to exercise.
- It's too expensive to eat healthy.
- I go to the gym EVERYDAY but the weight just won't come off.
- My grandma told me I will always be fat so I should deal with it.
- My husband is OKAY with my bigger body.
- It's baby weight. Even 2 or three years after my second was born people would actually give me this excuse if I complained about my weight.
- Stress. Yes... we use and validate this excuse all the time but the truth is... we CHOOSE to be stressed!!
- Life is just too busy!
- I'm not comfortable being thin. (Bizarre right?) I think that we get to a point in our lives where we are in a rut. Maybe we feel under appreciated by everyone around us and we fear that with some confidence and a thinner frame people might see the value in is! For a long time I was afraid that if I were thin, I would be more susceptible to temptation and less trustworthy in life. I ALWAYS knew that I was a good/fun person... and wondered if I were good looking too... how would that change me.
- It's not worth it. When I was working at the hospital I actually had this amazing Dr. tell me that being thin wasn't worth the effort, because it is a lifetime of eating right and exercising OR inevitably regaining the weight.
- I did really good for a week and nothing happened!!
- But I've TRIED over and over!
- I am meant to be fat.
- I'm not THAT big!
- I just don't eat enough!
- I will do it someday... when my kids are all in school.
- A gym membership is too expensive.
AND ON AND ON AND ON!!!

I guess the bottom line here is that... you can tell yourself over and over and over that cows lay eggs. To the point that you could absolutely believe it. But when it all comes down to it... you're wrong and lying to yourself only makes you a fool.

Confessions.
I got asked how far along I was several times a week. In fact, in December my 5 year old niece asked me if I had a baby in my tummy. I told her "no" that I had just had a baby (even though he was 6 months old at the time) to which she replied..." hmmm.. well... do you have ANOTHER baby in your tummy?" I honestly was so used to this question that I would respond "I'm not pregnant, just fat!" with a funny little chuckle. I stopped being offended and worked very hard to not let people be embarrassed for asking because I KNEW that I looked pregnant. CASE IN POINT:

In hiding: I didn't eat TONS of bad stuff.. mostly I just ate until my sides felt like they were gonna bust, BUT when I did eat something really bad I would hide. I can think of several times that I ate those yummy ice cream cone "drumstick" thingies while locked in my bedroom. I can think of a couple of times where I ate 2-4 of them in one sitting.

I never ate breakfast! This was actually an excuse I used! LIKE FOR REALS.... I'm fat and I only eat 2 [huge] meals a day. My body just must not want to let go of this weight! I was ALWAYS told that breakfast was oober important but just didn't buy it. Now I make sure to eat AS SOON AS I WAKE UP!!

I was afraid to be someone else. I was totally comfortable with who I was and afraid that I might become someone I didn't know or like. Another odd thing... but.. the truth is, I don't feel much different. I've learned alot about my limits and that there really aren't any. I am stronger that way... but I'm still totally me! :o)

Any excuses I left out? Feel free to leave me your list of excuses!! LOL!! If not here, just make a list for yourself. But writing them down is admitting that you are full of them and just a reiteration that YOU can be successful in losing weight if you stop trying and start doing! ;o)

P.S. The only excuse I had left was about my treadmill. That's right... I wrote a whole entry about how the rain is cramping my style, all the while, I had a treadmill downstairs. In the past, the belt has been sliding which would result in a sudden jolt when the belt hit the side of the treadmill and ME falling on my face! My hubby worked on it and was sure he had fixed it... but I didn't believe him! My hubby is a handsome man if I do say so myself and is VERY lean. He has ran on it a couple of times and he runs much faster than I do and the belt DOES NOT slide. I just chalked this up to the fact that he weighs less than my goal weight! Here's a pic of me hiding behind him! Anyway... I finally ran on it yesterday because my run was once again foiled by the rain and umm... I ran between 6.5 and 7 mph for 3.5 miles and it didn't slip ONCE!! OY!!! So there goes that excuse. I'm relieved.. .but annoyed. I can't believe I've wasted 2 years with that treadmill and never ran on it!

Venting.

Life is so crazy lately. I'm thinking about hiring a neighborhood girl to come watch my kids in the morning for an hour so I can go running. The evenings are just so full with baseball and taekwondo... and I guess especially lately, I've been wanting to run away for a while. Somedays moreso than others but today is one of those days. Hmm... maybe I'll get a job!

Seriously rain... GO AWAY!!!

Okay.. I must admit I have got COMPLETELY out of the habit of going to the gym because I run daily in my neighborhood at my own convenience and it DOES NOT require me to wake up at 4:30 in the morning. Well.. it's JUNE!! For whatever reason... mother nature has decided it's rainy season. SERIOUSLY!!! Every day this week I've been unable to get out of the house because the sky has been so scary looking and I was SURE that as soon as I got a mile or 2 away from my house the sky would open up.
So the sky was blue and the sun was shining today and I was SO excited to get out of the house. I loaded up my kiddos in the stroller and off we went. We were 1.25 miles into our walk when the gray clouds rolled in and it started to rain! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I was hoping it would blow over... intead it started pouring and HAILING!!! Holy geeze! It was quite the downpour and it's still raining even now. I just think it's HILARIOUS that the whole week I've been staying inside because I was scared of clouds that really haven't produced much and the day I finally get out... we have the biggest storm in 3 years! BLAH!

Before and after pics.

Just wanted to post these pics. Enjoy! Don't mind my crazy tan/red face. I took these pics after my run... I kind of look like a freak BUT they definitely show the difference from January to now!

Just wanted to post the difference in my measurements for the comp. I will post before and after pics soon!

1/7/09
Weight-194.6
Neck-14.5"
Waist-43"
Hips-45.5"
Bust-45"
L Arm-13.5"
R Arm-13"
L Thigh-25"
R Thigh-26"
Total=225.5"

6/5/09

Neck - 12.5"

Waist - 30.5"

Hips - 37"

Bust - 36"

L Arm - 10.25

R Arm - 10.5

L Thigh - 21"

R Thigh - 20.5"

Total = 178.25"

Total Lost during BL competition:

Neck - 2"

Waist - 12.5"

Hips - 8.5"

Bust - 9"

L Arm - 3.25"

R Arm - 2.5"

L Thigh - 4"

R Thigh - 5.5"

Total Inches Lost: 47.25!!

Lbs Lost: 51.6 =26.5%

Losing 50 lbs.

When I started this competition we were asked to announce our weight loss goals. At the time I said 50 lbs for the comp. It is a five month comp so why not right? I never realized what losing 50 lbs actually meant, what difference it would make on my life SO... here's a countdown of how losing 50 lbs has transformed my world!

10. I SLEEP at night!! I used to snore from all the weight on my stomach. I always felt tired and woke up a million times in the night! NOW... I sleep. I feel rested. LOVE not being tired all the time.

9. My wedding ring and class ring fit!! That hasn't happened in like 10 years!

8. I can wrap a bathroom towel around my body. This might not be something you smaller people can't even comprehend. But the bigger you are, it gets to the point where you can NOT touch the two sides of the towel together, let alone overlap them.

7. No more of those pictures you see and think... I'm not really that big am I? For the last 10 years, I hide from cameras but for whatever reason, I seem to always be in Christmas pics. It's always that crazy side profile and EVERY year I think... Ugh... am I seriously that big? Now I do the opposite. I don't recognize myself in pics.... Can't wait to get to the point that I just look at pics and not worry about my size!

6. New Friends! This competition has been so incredible for me because I have managed to meet a great group of women!! It's been fantastic to do girls nights and have fun with new people. I am so glad that ya'll have put up with me... even with my obsessive nature! ;o)

5. Belts that fit. Well... I never actually wore belts before because I was squeezed so tight into my jeans that there was no way they were going anywhere. Now I use belts and I they actually fit without increasing the amount of fat that hangs out of my jeans. I owned 2 belts before the comp and couldn't wear either of them. It's so fun to watch yourself shrink via the holes in a belt!

4. Goodbye Mushroom Top If you look at my now pics, you can see that I still have a belly roll. I am going to keep working on that but I just want to say a FOREVER FAREWELL to the mushroom top. (Some of you might call it a "muffin top" but umm... for me it was FAR greater than that... thus I call it a mushroom top!) I think that when you get to a certain size you start to REFUSE to buy bigger pants and then the mushroom top starts to spread. Now I don't mind wearing a bigger size to avoid the look... I have NOT eliminated my love handles, but they are getting smaller.

3. Stamina Okay... take it however you want to. I mean it in any way you can imagine. ;o)

2. Self Control While I do feel like I've lost my mind on more than one occasion during this journey, I have learned that I have an amazing amount of self-control. I've always been one of those people who COMPLETELY BELIEVES that there is no limit to what an individual has accomplished. We are the only ones standing in our way! It takes a lot of self-discipline. And while I'm no master, I've come a long way from where I was 5 months ago.

1. FINISH WHAT YOU START! This concept, that I never followed through with any thing is what I committed to at the beginning of the challenge. It was my number one priority, before weight loss or anything else. I just had to prove to myself i could do it and I'm so excited to say that I FINISHED!! I never gave up. I did not let excuses get in the way. I learned so much in this competition about myself. And I'm excited to take on new challenges. Like college courses. :o) I have always known that this was a huge problem for me and I'm SO glad that at least this time, I followed through!

THANKS TO ALL THE GALS IN THIS COMPETITION FOR PUSHING ME, SUPPORTING ME, AND THE OCCASIONAL SMACK TALK. THIS COMPETITION HAS CHANGED ME FOREVER!! THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!

Good day!

I woke up this morning and cleaned my house, did laundry AND went on a 4 mile walk with my kiddos. The older boys were on scooters and didn't complain, the little ones were in the stroller. It was fantastic!! It was a pretty good workout, and I managed to walk it in about 63 minutes. Hills and all! I even got to run the same route this evening. It felt great to be running. One thing that's nice about this comp is it gives me plenty to think about when I'm running. So overall it was a pretty good day. I am so excited for Friday to come. I thought of at least 18 more things I'm going to eat! ;o) (I PROMISE... I'm not really going to eat anything I shouldn't or in excess but it's nice to feel like I COULD if I wanted to!) So yeah. Could have been better... but could have been much worse too!

Sabotage!

UGH!! I feel every excuse in the book coming on. Yesterday was a bad day. I didn't go running because of the rain. ( I run in the evenings when my hubby is home.) I feel completely out of control. I think it's funny to read Katie's blog and that she has so much control. I HAVE NONE!! I'm so close to finishing this and I've completely lost my mind. I hope today will be a better day... Having the kids home for the summer + that time of the month is killin' me!

LOL!

Okay... so Nicholette posted this hilarious video! It's a must see! http://imaloserin09.blogspot.com/2009/05/eat-less-move-more.html Seriously... this is exactly the attitude I'm talking about! LOL!

Okay.. Monday was an alright day. I went on a 4 mile walk with the stroller earlier in the day and hoped to be able to run it later in the day but by the time we got home from my son's baseball game, the sky was looking really ugly SO... I didn't get to run yesterday. I did do well with my diet though so I feel good about that.

I went to lunch with my sis and our kids yesterday and we somehow ended up with an EXTRA loaded baked potato. It looked and smelled SO good!! I just wanted one little bite. I resisted.. but I'm adding that to my list of things I'm going to eat on Saturday! ;o) (Now I'm really not going to eat all of this. But I AM going to take small bites of whatever looks good all day Saturday!) LOL!! Alright. Here's to having AMAZING days the next 3 days cause Friday morning weigh in comes early. Hey that reminds me... if the weigh in is FRIDAY... I can start eating everything in sight by noon that day! ;o)

Sunday

So Sunday was a little crazy but I managed to stick with my diet and got to go running last night. My hubby even joined me on his bike with the 2 little ones. I bought this new running toy and I had so much fun seeing how far I actually ran, and how fast I was going etc. I learned that the run I do daily is only about 3.16 miles, so I'm excited to add a loop or 2 to make those runs longer. :o) I am running another 5k on Saturday before the Park City trip and I'm way excited for that! I am trying to stick to a pretty strict diet and eating oats in the morning is going to be the death of me. I'm like a small child staring anywhere but at my oats, hoping they will disappear! BLECK! Meanwhile, when I'm brave enough to eat them they are too hot. The longer they sit in front of me... I lose courage! AHH!!! I am definitely not big on textures..... plus how good can oats really get without SUGAR?
AND!!! I was watching T.V. with my hubby last night. Twice yesterday I told my hubby that "I'm eating that next Sunday"! ;o) Like a pepperoni pizzone from pizza hut. Doesn't even sound good now but at the moment, eating some kind of splurge sounded SO good! Oh and he was eating a cinnamon roll for breakfast and telling me how FANTASTIC it tasted and I told him I'm having one for breakfast next Saturday! (Of course I won't because I'm running that morning!) Anyway. I am excited for the final weigh in. I am feeling great. I know I'm losing at least at the rate I've lost every other month. I'm working out daily. I'm feeling awesome. Only 4 more days! ;o)