Monday, November 2, 2009

To answer your question

So.. Moi asked what exactly changed in me that made me decide that I was not okay with my weight. The answer seems incredibly complex and I'm not even sure if I know exactly what it was BUT... here is an attempt to answer your question!
In December I decided to join WLW . I had a previous client who founded this company and had mentioned it to me! (He managed to mention it without implying that I desperately needed to lose weight!) I got on and really didn't know what I hoped to accomplish from it! It wasn't until Nicholette mentioned she was doing a weight loss competition that I thought HEY.. I could totally do that!! I AM INCREDIBLY COMPETITIVE. AND... I am a SAHM who does not contribute financially to my family at all. I thought it would be a fantastic way to kill a few birds with one stone. I love the biggest loser and I knew I had enough to lose, to win some sweet moula!! (In my best Kip voice!)
I named my blog FINISH WHAT YOU START!! Because, I have never finished anything. Seriously.. I've started college like 6 times and only managed to finish one semester and that was before I had kids. I had "tried" to lose weight in the past but never wanted to do enough to actually see a change. I really wanted to prove to my DH that I could follow through with something. I realized when I started talking about the comp that my husband had absolutely no faith in my follow through abilities. I also understood that he was justified in his lack of faith. I chose the URL "thin for my boys" because I really wanted to save my boys from the embarrassment of having a "fat" mom! And my hubby from the embarrassment of having a "fat" wife!! If I could change the url I totally would... but.. I couldn't now. Regardless, I do not want to be thin for my boys anymore. I want to be HEALTHY for my boys [I have 4 sons and one hubby.. all included in the boys!] and thin for me!
I did not set out to lose 75 lbs. I just set out to win!! I set out to lose 14 lbs, 10 lbs, 8 lbs... whatever the goal was for the month. I never ACTUALLY thought about what it would mean to be thin... or to ever lose such a large amount of weight.. but I did think about how awesome it would be to win money, AND to prove to everyone who's faith in me had expired that I COULD DO IT!! I think above all else... I had to prove it to myself!
I remember when I got to 50 lbs lost... I looked back and thought of all the crazy things I had never even thought about that were now my reality.... you can read that post here! Now I'm at 75 lbs and holy geeze... who would have thought it was possible? I HONESTLY DIDN'T!!
I committed to finishing the competition when I started it and to finish strong. That was all I wanted to prove to myself. When I got to the end, "finish what you start" took on a whole new meaning.
Nothing is the same. What motivated me in the beginning is completely different from what motivates me now. I set out to prove it to myself. That I COULD START AND FINISH SOMETHING. Now... my motivation is honestly inspiring other people. I realized a while ago that I have a lot of blog stalkers. People who linger but never comment... who look to me to see that it can be done. I know that if I fail.. I fail all of these people who believe in me... and hopefully are starting to believe in themselves because of my trials/failures and successes.
So.. in answer to that first question: What changed is ME! I stopped giving up on myself. I stopped making excuses and FINALLY put value in myself.
And last but not least...
I Stopped "trying" and resolved to DO IT!!


Moi said...

I so love you!!! You are a superstar and I am so glad I asked the question. You are an inspiration.

Kelli said...

I always knew you had it in you! I never gave up on you. This statement was a long time coming and I am so proud of you for making it. You inspire me everyday with your words and your pictures. Thank you for being you.

Kristi said...

GREAT POST!!! It's amazing to look back at it all, huh? You are still going strong and it's almost been a year! WOW