Monday, December 7, 2009


My life has been upturned and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I didn't think that I would be feeling so stressed and isolated but WOW... adjusting to this move is harder than I thought. The hardest part has actually been that my hubby has been working CRAZY hours and I haven't had a MOMENT of child free play. I discovered there is a yoga place in this tiny town and although I've NEVER done yoga... I think I'm going to become a yoga master as soon as my hubby starts working normal hours and coming home in time for me to venture out alone!!
Amidst all of this, I've been trying to cope with OLD habits. If you've ever seen my progressive pic, you will notice all the sores on my upper arm in my earliest photo. I AM A PICKER!! The bigger I got, the more I picked. It is easy for me to resolve this by getting fake nails but now that I am away from the gal who did my nails, I decided to try it without the safety blanket and holy crap.. STRESS + NO NAILS = I am totally a picker. I had hoped that I had somehow left that part of me behind a good 30 lbs ago but alas, she is still here.
Another thing I've been doing is eating... ALOT!! Fortunately, I don't have a lot of "off limits" foods in my house... the worst I've mindlessly ate is goldfish crackers... BUT.. I've just been eating and eating and the worst part is that because of my allergies, I can't really even taste anything... but I still eat. I've had to pull out the carrots a couple of times to put something at least healthy out for my eating frenzies.. but... I just feel like I've lost control... and although I'm making much BETTER choices than I would have this time last year, it's disheartening to realize that I will always be a work in progress. I somehow had hoped that it would be second nature to me... that I would be so in control that no amount of stress could force me to do anything NOT in alignment with what I've been preaching these days.
It is what it is... I'm out of control.
Luckily, I am hopeful... that this is just another step towards total transformation in my life. I have got to LEARN how to deal with stress... and how to do it without tipping the scale. Honestly, if I were the same person this year as I was last year... this move probably would have meant a 20 lb gain. But I'm not her anymore. I will not punish myself... I am going to move forward. :o) BUT... I will not pretend that it is easy.. because it's not. I am a real person... and I can't ALWAYS do everything right. But.. I do learn from every experience. Right now I am learning that I need to NOT buy goldfish... at least until I have time to have ME TIME!! :o)


Spitfire said...

Hi Karilynn...WOW, you are going through a lot right now. Moving away IS one of the major stressors out there. However, it's how you DO handle it that will make the difference. And, the fact that you are aware of your issues, you're that much closer to resolving them. I have total confidence in WILL lick these little traits before they land you back in uncomfortable lifestyle habits. You are a strong woman. When you took control of your life, your body, your fitness level, that wasn't an easy feat. Yet you did it. You are dedicated, and strong, and you can and will not only survive this bump in the road, you will thrive. Take one issue at a time, and work on them. And be proud of all that you have accomplished, including moving away with your young family. That takes guts. Perhaps because it happened so suddenly, you didn't have a chance to come to peace with it all. YOU are woman, hear you roar, baby!
Hoping you get some 'YOU time' soon. In the mean time...stay true to you. XO

Melissa said...

Ah, Karilynn, I'm sorry you are having a hard time! It would be so hard to move somewhere new and then have my husband gone all the time. I wish I could tell ya ways to cope, but I can't :( Hang in there, it will get better! (and if not, you'll be back soon!)

WeightWatcher Mama said...

i think considering all you're going thru, you are coping quite well! be proud! i mean goldfish? there are a LOT worse things you could be eating, but you're not! this too shall pass and things will get better! i think you should pat yourself on the back, keep plugging! when my DH works too many hours, i have to keep busy myself. i go out to mcdonalds w/ the kids. the park. i meet someone for lunch/breakfast. i go shopping, grocery or clothes. i just keep busy! cleaning/scrapbooking/yardwork! i can't stay home! good luck! you are a strong person and you will get thru this!

Wendy said...

I think you are going through an incredibly stressful time, and for you to recognize what's triggering you is a great thing.

Can you have Diego or Dora babysit your kids while you try to meditate or do something?

I hope that things calm down soon.

Angela said...

Sorry everything's been so stressful for you...just realize that all of us out here think about you guys often and of course miss you terribly!!!!! I KNOW you can do this! Out of all the people I've ever known, I KNOW you can get through this! You are one of the strongest people I know! Do it girl! BRING IT!!!! Love you!

Vicki said...

Don't be hard on yourself. The key is that you have learned how to do it. If you have a few missteps you know the way back. (that is what I am telling myself as I am eating Christmas chocolate and birthday cake;)

Ellura said...

Hey, I am pretty much finished with school for the semester and have some free time. Give me a call if you want out of the house. I would love it!