Only 365 days left...

So it's my ninth anniversary and I feel so blah. Tired. Bored. Broke. It almost feels like the blander my food is the blander I become! BLAH! I am thinking about all my husband and I have been through and what's to come and I have decided that we are SO going on a cruise for our 10th anniversary. (That, or Hawaii!) I am going to budget a way to pay for it and I am going to be HOT HOT HOT!! That gives me one year to be comfy in my own skin. Must have a bathing suit body, or at least a waist!

I've still been going to the gym at 4:30 a.m. and it's working out nicely. I don't feel guilty about leaving my family to exercise. I'm getting used to waking up early and usually in bed by nine! My 8 month old is teething however, so last night I was up three times before the gym. I'm sure it will keep getting easier.

Here's to hoping we all have a fantastic week. Only 8 days till the "official" weigh in! ;o)

Monday, monday...

Okay.. so I upped my intervals this week and I'm happy to say that I did not DIE when I upped them to walk for 3, run for 8! YAY!! I'm so excited! It actually felt really good to run for 8 minutes. So far, these intervals are really doing wonders! I have not had the opportunity to weigh myself yet. I don't own a scale so it's really hard to get that early morning weight. I can tell that I am losing inches though and it feels great. :o) I have been tempted to buy a scale, but still worry I would get sucked into obsessive weighing... so for now.. I'll have to head over to my mom's one of these mornings.

On a completely different note... I have a friend who is in a makeover competition on the blog www.seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com . I won't tell you who it is but seriously... all of you amazing women should get over to seriously so blessed and vote for whom you think is the most deserving woman!

Here's to another fantastic week!!!! <3

Cheat dream

Last night, I dreamed I ate an entire bag of mini reese's peanut butter cups! :o) YUM!

Saturday mornings are for sleeping in right?

So.. I was really excited last night that I got to sleep in this morning. I mean, it's been quite the adjustment waking up at 4:30 so I was hoping to shoot for 8:30 or 9! Unfortunately I woke up at exactly 4:26! What on earth? I looked at the clock and laughed a little. Then I laid my head down on the pillow and attempted to sleep in once again. I woke up twice more and when I saw the 2nd time that it was 7:11 I figured... what the heck? Might as well get up and go do some cardio. I'm seriously so addicted.
I also was thinking that on my "day of rest" I would love to get in a really good CORE workout. Anyone have any suggestions on a really awesome CORE DVD?

4:30 a.m.

So today was my third day of 4:30 a.m. gym time. I wasn't sure how I would feel but I REALLY love my workouts. I have more energy in the early morning than I do at night and it's been fun to be awake when my hubby gets up! I'm also feel more confident in my work outs and enjoying running. If I stick to the interval schedule I have in my head, I will start running for 30 minutes straight on February 9th! The week after that I'll try to start running 5k's at least 2 of my 5 workouts. :o) It will kind of depend on how long it is taking me at first.
The only negative for now is getting used to being up so early. I seriously have this dip in energy around 9 in the morning.. right when my younger boys are waking up! I am sure that after a couple of weeks I will just be used to it. For now, I'll keep trucking along!

Running!

Okay.. so I upped my running intervals today. I'm now running for 4 minutes and walking for 3 for 35 minutes. I know that might seem lame to all of you but I was SO excited today when I was able to do it and didn't even feel like dying! I also decided to try the challenge that BOB almost killed Joelle over on Biggest Loser. I put the treadmill on 6.5 and ran for 30 seconds. It was CAKE!! YAY!! Maybe I really will be able to run again. :o) I LOVE working out!

Week 2 Whoas

So week two has gone by OKAY! I stuck to my diet and worked out 6 days. I even got my BFF's hubby (who happens to be a personal trainer) to give me a 6 week schedule of resistance training routines specifically designed for me.... just so I don't get bored. This being said. I am TERRIFIED to step on the scale. Week 2 is NOTORIOUS on the Biggest Loser for being a bad week. I think that getting on the scale and seeing a small number or no number at all would be disapointing and not motivating and so.... I'm skipping it. No weigh-in for me. We'll see how I feel next week, or maybe I'll just wait till the 5th. Either way... I'm still trying to find a balance for my work-outs and my family. I'm toying with the idea of going to the gym at 5 in the morning. This morning it didn't happen, but it was a long weekend with little sleep. I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks for your support! And congrats to all of you who see the numbers on the scale getting smaller. You inspire me to work a little harder. :o)

Working Hard!

Inspiring words for today:

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit. - Napolean Hill

Direction, NOT intention, leads to destination.

So I was reading a new friends blog the other day and she had blogged this saying! I was so amazed by how hard it hit home. I think that each of us has had the best of intentions when it comes to previous weight loss goals and even now I'm sure that many of us INTEND to do well in this competition. The idea that it is DIRECTION that will lead to our success only re-iterates the importance of having a plan. We must each go beyond good intentions and actually make a change! So here's to us! I don't know about you but I KNOW where I'm going... to the gym, as soon as my hubby gets home! ;o)

Seeing a difference.

As you can see from my "before" pics, I have a lot of tummy fat. This week has been fun because for me, I can see the bulge gradually receding back where it belongs. My boobs are even sticking out farther than my tummy. (Although that may depend on when the last time I nursed my baby was!) I'm really excited about the changes but have come to the realization that others may not notice any difference at all for 20 more lbs. It really hurts to think that by the time I lose 25 lbs I will still be 170. Either way, I'm hoping for big compliments by the end of this month, or at least people saying.. wow have you lost weight?? The diet is going great for the most part, although it is sometimes depressing that I can't eat whatever I want. Exercise is exhilarating and I'm loving my cardio. I wish I could afford a trainer for my resistance but in the end I think I will be thrilled to be able say that "I" did it! LOL... of course that won't be the story. I will be saying that I did it with the support of a group of amazing women!! Anyway.. last week I lost 5.6 lbs from my weigh in on Wednesday until my weigh in Monday morning! I am so excited to kiss the 190's GOODBYE!!! SEE YA LATER!!! PROMISE TO NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!!
I've been really excited lately thinking about how I will see a woman I ADORE in May (she was my midwife for my last son whom I birthed at home and she is going to be attending my sis-in-laws birth in May where I will be the "Doula") and how she will have no idea that I've been losing weight. It will be so fun to feel so good and look amazing when I see her. She is just one of those people who truly believes that anything is possible and she won't even be surprised that I've lost weight. (LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD!) It's just fun for me to anticipate reunions with people who aren't seeing it everyday and getting that WOW factor! HOORAY FOR THE WOW FACTOR!! Can't wait to encounter it! :o)

My Forrest Gump moment.

So last night we were at a friends house and were talking about how I REALLY want to run a 5k in April. The gals that were there had trained for a 5k last year and told me to google how to train for it, that basically you run/walk in intervals until you build up your endurance. I got on google this A.M. and was not finding the training they were talking about. Everything I found looked way too aggressive for this body. The one thing that really stuck out... and really it totally could have been an ad.... said "start running today." So... I headed over to the gym and after doing my warm up and resistance I climbed onto the treadmill. I wasn't sure exactly what to do but i managed to program the little walk/jog/run buttons to paces I felt comfortable with and for 30 minutes I did intervals!!!! I jogged for 2 minutes and walked for 3. That's right boys and girls... in the words of Forrest himself "I wAs RuNnIn!!!!!" Well really I was jogging but holy cow, I was seriously moving in a running type motion and the best part is I didn't die!
I felt a huge sense of accomplishment today and I can't WAIT to work out again! It's amazing how good it feels to break down these walls I've built for myself. I've always told myself I can do anything if I want it bad enough. I guess i finally do. :o)

Squash instead of noodles.

So I've been dying to try substituting noodles with squash. I am trying to eliminate eating any processed flour and I think that whole wheat noodles have an unbearable texture. I have only had spaghetti squash one other time and it was served as a delicious side dish. Well tonight I went for it and served it as spaghetti and... it's a hit. I honestly like it better than noodles and I've had a meal without white flour. My boys and husband also devoured their substitute noodles with no complaints, they even cleared their plates! As far as I'm concerned this one is a winner! :o)

Confessions of a fat girl

I've seen some of you girls use words like "humbling" or "motivational" in regards to before pics. I honestly feel like my before pics are discouraging. I know how I got to this point and I won't linger, but these pictures make it all look SO HARD! I've always been one of those people who has things come relatively easy to me when it comes to learning new things. I realize now that I always back down when I don't have instant results. I am SO grateful for this competition and all of you. I realize that just as much about FINISHING SOMETHING as it is about losing weight for me.
It is so awesome to share a common goal with so many women who are all here to support eachother.
On another note: I feel motivated to do so much more in life lately. I actually woke up and put on makeup and wore a shirt that showed my arms yesterday. That might sound bizzarro but I HATE showing my arms and legs. Part of that is because I am INCREDIBLY WHITE, part is because they are FAT and part is because I have scars all over my body. I have always been a "picker". Yes as nasty as that sounds I pick at scabs. I pick at dry skin until it becomes a scab and then pick at that. I've come to realize it's an anxiety issue but I think moreso a self esteem thing. I guess I feel like I'm trapped in this body and so, I pick at it, to punish it or something. Anyway, it felt amazing to just smile and laugh and dance with my little guys. To feel pretty if just for a moment. I can't wait to have more days like that. :o) I also am grateful that I DON'T own a scale. I have to go to my mom's to weigh myself which requires me to "go into town"! I can't imagine the mind games I would be playing with myself if that damn scale was sitting next to me everytime I peed! I think I would go crazy!
Hmm.. I think I've rambled enough today! Thanks to all of you for supporting me. Together we can change eachother. :o)

Before pics... not for the faint of heart.

I have come to terms with the fact that I look pregnant and it doesn't even phase me anymore when people ask. I do have a 7 month old so I try to make them feel better by mentioning that I "Just had a baby!". I even thought about getting a t-shirt for working out that says, "NO I'M NOT PREGNANT! I'M FAT!" But when it came down to it I thought that would be putting myself down and the idea here is to build myself up right? I am not a photographer and do not own any fancy programs but luckily for all of you.. you don't need arrows to see where I need to work! :o)

These are family pics from October and to be very honest... it is one of few times I have posed for pictures since I gained all this weight... which means pretty much since I had kids. I should also point out that while we were posing for pics I kept making sure someone was in front of me somehow in order to hide my huge body.... just hoping that the brown shirts would blend together. The first one is a good reality check for me. It reminds me of that Weird Al parody of Michael Jackson's "Who's Bad?"! I think it starts with "Your butt is wide, from here to there!" UGH!

This pic is more for reference for myself. I WILL get new family pics at the end of this adventure. Can't wait to not need two kids on my lap to cover the width of my body! (If only the baby were twins!!)

This one is really a hitter homer for me. I really think our smiles are genuine but I HATE this picture. My face is huge. My chins all blend together. My eyes look so small inside my big fat face. It also symbolizes me relenting to being fat. I actually posted this pic on my personal blog and facebook because I told myself I just had to admit I was fat and get over it.

I'm doing my measurements, scale and full on before pics... (although I will spare you all from bikini pics!) this morning so they should be up soon. Can't wait to shed those pounds!

My grandma told me after my second kid that I would always be fat and I should just break down and buy some bigger clothes. My husband told me recently basically the same thing. To be what I am and deal with it. But THIS is NOT who I am. I will NO LONGER accept that I can never be anything else but a fat girl.

Big Loser?

So my cousin-in-law is in this competition and I'm so excited to join up. I think I need a good competition to push me and what better way to find support then from a bunch of women who have similar goals? I will be posting some before pics and measurements soon AND the dreaded scale picture! HERE WE GO GIRLS!!! And FYI... I've always wanted to be ON the Biggest Loser... it's my going joke.. "not fat enough for the biggest loser so maybe I'll try survivor."

I have decided to try a DIABETIC diet, which means no white flower, sugars or juices. We will see how it goes. I'm also excited to be working out and my hubby has promised I can go to the gym at 8:00 p.m. every night if I like so... NO EXCUSES!!!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I want to make it count DAMNIT!! :o)

Somethings gotta give!

Okay... I'm sick of being afraid of being thin. Yeah I'm sure that sounds strange to many of you but it is my reality. In my life I have found it easy to hide behind my adipose and now I've decided it's time to emerge. As an introduction I thought I would start with my motivation. So here goes!

ReAsOnS i WaNt To LoSe WeIgHt:
1. I want to feel beautiful.
2. I want to be able to run.
3. I want to be capable of getting up while snowboarding.
4. I want to be healthy.
5. I want to know that my organs are usable if I ever become a donor.
6. I want to avoid diabetes, sleep apnea, and other complications that come with obesity.
7. I want to learn how to eat right and make a lifestyle change.
8. I want to fit into a single digit pant size.
9. I want to use exercise as a therapy and not torture.
10. I want to prove to myself and my husband that I can follow through with something.
11. I want to NEVER reach 200 lbs.
12. I want strangers to do a double take when I walk past.
13. I never want my boys to be embarrassed of their "fat mom".
14. I want my hubby to be proud of me.
15. I want my hubby to feel like he is married to a "hot mama".
16. I want my kids to grow up HEALTHY and not fall into the pitfalls of crappy food, or emotional eating.
17. I want to be more motivated to take control of my life in all aspects.
18. I KNOW I AM WORTH IT!!!!

That being said, my biggest problem in the past is basically this. I NEVER FINISH WHAT I START!! There I said it out loud! I've never really understood my amazing ability to sabotage myself but in all instances as of late I have used my children as an excuse. I never finished school because it was too time consuming and took away from my children as does exercise. Truely, I can exercise when the children are sleeping which takes NOTHING from them and eating right does not take anything from them. I need to adopt a different attitude. Me feeling good about myself takes NOTHING from them and gives them SO MUCH!!

My motto for this adventure:
FiNiSh WhAt YoU sTaRt!!!