Dear October:

Dear October:
I am very grateful that you will be here shortly. I've been working so hard at this weight loss stuff all of September, that I would really like a small break. My obsession has become too much to bear and I LONG to switch it up but fear that I must not do anything different until you are here.
I promise that I will stick to my diet and exercise routines but seriously... I never want to eat oatmeal again!! Is that too much to ask? I also want to give up salads at least for a couple weeks. I have grown fond and then unfond of romaine lettuce over the course of your predecessor... BLAH to tomatoes and cucumbers... blah to anything that tastes like salad! BLAH!!
I am frustrated/scared that I have been at a plateau for 1.5 weeks. I got down to 131.4 but can't seem to see that number again. 132 is killing me and I LONG for 120 anything. I promise not to steal any Halloween candy, not to drink ANY calories, and to bust my butt if you promise to let me and the 120's become acquaintances. I also would like you to allow me to say good bye to my friend the 130's FOR GOOD!!
My commitment to you, my dear friend October, is that if you allow me to reach my goal I will be just as healthy next year. I swear that I will not weigh a single ounce more at the beginning of our next meeting as I do at the end of this years meeting.
So... PLEASE OH PLEASE... come soon and let me kick some butt while you are present. Oh.. and please don't rain too much.. I've got a half marathon to train for! ;o)
Sincerely,
Your friend in health and fitness,
Karilynn

PS- If for whatever reason you don't allow me to reach my goals, I will have you removed from the calendar forever! This is not a threat! It's a PROMISE!

This weekend was a whole lot of fun. I had the opportunity to run 8 miles on Saturday and I LOVED IT!! I realize that I really prefer to do long runs in the morning so I'm thinking I may try to find a sitter on Wednesdays so that I'm not running 6 miles in the evening. I don't mind the short runs at night, but umm... last Wednesday was not the funnest run of my life.
8 miles IS the longest I have ever ran in my life. I was AMAZED at how good I felt and excited when my pace was actually FASTER than my 6 mile run last week. (I averaged 9:34 this week!!) I was better prepared this time and actually brought an extra pair of ear phones, just in case! ;o) As I was running, I started thinking about how my legs just kept on going and I had this amazing thought... The human body was NEVER meant to run distances like this, but it's truly capable of ANYTHING. Marathon runners have mastered the "mind over matter" theory and seriously.... it's amazing that if our mind says KEEP ON RUNNING!!! Our body does it!

The rest of my weekend is probably not very interesting to you all. The highlights were, I got new running shoes (my knees were not liking me on my 8 miler) and... I ate a chocolate chip cookie! The shoes are AWESOME!!! The chocolate chip cookie.... NOT SO MUCH! I do appreciate that every choice, whether good or bad is a CONSCIOUS DECISION!! Mindless eating is a thing of the past... but seriously, eating that cookie made me feel incredibly guilty. It was just one dang cookie... but...

For Melissa

Okay.. so today I was talking to Melissa about running and she was asking me questions like: What do you do when you run for 2 hours to keep your mind occupied, and to keep going? (Hmm... I think she was questioning my sanity.) I kind of talked about music and random thoughts and that I really didn't know what I would think when I was running for 2 full hours.

Wednesdays are my longer weekday run (Saturdays are my crazy long run days). Today was 5 miles. I am still a little sore (specifically my butt) from the trainer on Monday so I wasn't exactly looking forward to the 5 miles I had to do today. [In case you are wondering, I googled how to train for a 1/2 marathon and printed out a schedule... I faithfully run EXACTLY what it says I have to each day!] My hubby got home and since it has been slightly cooler lately, I decided I should just get it over with.

Before I go any further... a little background. I have an obsessive personality, (in case you haven't noticed). I have several different runs, all carefully planned and mapped out, in 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 mile runs. SO... my 5 mile run IS MY 5 MILE RUN!! No dog, tractor, or construction worker can get in my path... I must run what I must run... I know.. I'm lame.

So... I head off to my 5 miler, I go up about 7 blocks and then head South. The road is closed about .25 miles ahead of where I turn but I always am able to maneuver my way through the construction, tractors, gravel, construction workers, etc... today is no exception. I run through them without too much struggle and continue on. I run through an intersection and out into the country roads... again there is another Road Closed sign... ARE YOU SERIOUS?!??! I look up ahead and see huge tractors but assume I will be able to run through them. I was beyond frustrated when I got past the tractors and saw that the road was FENCED OFF... SERIOUSLY?!?! I swear out loud. You know... like one of those 4 letter words that you NEVER want to hear your 2 year old or your grandmother say... something along the lines of "you've got to be @#$%$^# kidding me!!!" The construction guy looks at me and tells me I can go around the fence... hmm.... so I run down a dry canal only to find that the fence is connected to barbed wire, that goes on for miles in farmers fields... Screw it.. I'm small enough... I can fit through this damn fence... so I go through the barbed wire fence, then back out the barbed wire onto the road. By now I'm beyond frustrated and only about 1.5 miles into my run. I HATE stopping while I'm running. I feel like my whole run is ruined and almost convince myself that 5 miles is just too much to do today! UGH!!!! I convince myself that I HAVE to do it. 5 is the number on my calendar... 5 is what I am going to do. I keep running, all the while convincing myself that I can't do it... by the time I've finally distracted myself by really listening to the words of my music I am breathing better and KNOW that I have no choice... and I know it will be okay. I'm now 3 miles into my run when the song "Brick' comes on. I start to analyze the song. It reminds me of Mindy, and working at JB's and my HS boyfriend... and how Mindy made out with my HS boyfriend (who is now GAY)... ;o) And then... my wireless headphones die. 3.1 miles into my 5 mile run... MUSIC IS GONE!! Pretty sure I swear out loud AGAIN!!

So.. what do you do when you are running with no music and you feel like you are going to die? I started to think about my blog... what I would write. Crazy I know. I HATE excuses. And I thought... if I don't finish this stupid run, I'll have let the excuses win. (We are talking lameo excuses like... "the construction messed up MY run... it's not my fault!") I started thinking about the Biggest Loser. I HATE when Amanda starts talking about how she was "America's Choice" I'm always like... we didn't pick you out of a million people it was you or her...... and you SO aren't even close to one of my favorites... but.. in a sick perverted way... I know how she feels. I LOVE blogging because, I know that there are lots of people who read this .. even if they don't comment. And I feel an accountability to all of the people who are watching me.. to succeed! So... I kept running. At some point I thought... the only way this could get worse is if I got attacked by a dog or hit by a car. Neither of them happened. I finished my stupid run... huffing and puffing... and I was very amused when I looked at my timer/gps and saw that I had ran it 33 seconds faster than I've ran it before. GO FIGURE!!

Pain = Progress!!

Okay, so maybe I'm slightly sick in the head but... I LOVE BEING SORE after a good workout. Yesterday I went back to my amazing trainer . She seems to be getting a feel of what I can handle and yesterday she pushed me to a level she has yet to push me. Today, my biceps, pecs and glutes are sore!! WAHOO!! If my butt hurts that means it's becoming shapelier right? (And if you didn't notice in the pics from the last post, my butt is looking better and better! ;o) )

When we were doing this comp before, my 2nd child taught me a mantra I LOVE!! He said: "Mom, pain is just weakness leaving your body!" He was taught this saying by his gymnastics coach no doubt but I LOVE IT!! And I totally believe that pain DOES make us stronger (whether physically or mentally). When it comes to working out, pushing past the pain can be a struggle so for me, when I'm struggling to do something that is physically hard, I actually imagine the weakness drifting away, (like a soul in a ghost movie!) and it's amazing how much stronger I feel. We will never know how strong we are if we never push past the hard stuff. Pain = progress.

WLW competition pics!

These are the before and after pics from the competition I was in this summer! THANKS CHRISTY!!

Small Victories!

This weekend I:
Ran 6 miles in 58:04
WON my WLW competition!!
Bought size 7/8 pants!!

Excuses

Okay.. I LOVE the Biggest Loser! Seriously love it! Last night was the first night of the new season and it was so crazy to me. I've never sat there and watched it from this mind frame, I used to be a skeptical critic who identified with the people at the start. I totally understood how they got that way... how hard life is... and knew that they had some great advantage over me by being at the ranch. Something that I would never have (unless I gained 50 lbs and got on the show!) I realized though that there was a common denominator in the ginormous being of these individuals. EXCUSES!!!

These people are not unique! They are beautiful people who piled a crap load of excuses onto their spoons and ate it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 20 snacks during the day. Excuses like:
Life is hard.
Life is busy.
It's too hard to lose weight.
It's too hard to exercise.
It's too hard to diet.
It's too expensive to eat healthy.
I'll do it when I turn 40! (Okay this was one of the guys on the show... SERIOUSLY!?!?!? wHEN YOU ARE 40?!?!? WHy don't you just wait and do it after you die?!)
Another EXCUSE... I'm an emotional eater.

We are all in this boat because we let our excuses dictate our lives. Isn't it time we throw all the damn excuses away and admit to our problem?? How bout saying, "I have no self control?" "I don't value myself enough to care." Or, I LIKE FOOD MORE THAN ME!!

The truth. I was fat because I didn't care enough to do the work. I was fat for 10 years because it was never a priority to be smaller. I was happy that way.

I tell women all the time that when they start a weight loss program, people EXPECT them to fail. It's true. They want you to succeed but they KNOW you're not gonna!! Mindy just posted about the fire she has found, the fire that you will see with the contestants on the Biggest Loser. My response: "I tell girls that when you start a weight loss goal, people expect you to fail. REALLY!! THEY DO!! I think that when we "diet" without the fire it is because we too.. expect ourselves to fail. That fire is your mind saying... THIS IS IT!! I'M DOING IT THIS TIME!! Screw trying... I WILL really succeed!! "

You want the fire. Then make the decision. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Take it and use it to become a new you!

New me...

Yesterday seemed to have a theme. While working out with Lisa (I think I was doing some lunge things while holding huge weights) she mentioned my blog. I put a link to it on facebook the other day and she happened to have a minute to check it out. She told me that she was so proud of how far I'd come, that she hadn't realized where I had been and she asked me "Do you feel like a completely different person, like your old self?" Hmm... I wasn't sure how to answer that.

Last night I was talking to my SIL who recently had her third baby. She mentioned briefly how she had been having some serious mood swings and that one of her harder topics for the day was that she wasn't just HER. She is trying to lose the baby fat and didn't want to take before pics because she felt like that would be admitting that this was WHO she is and that where she was wasn't really her. Hmm.... here we are at that theme.

So.. I wanted to tell you all the answer to Lisa's question.
I am me. The same person I have always been. I am happier and healthier but just as hilarious and fun as I was when I was 110 lbs and 200 lbs. I am MOM! I love that. I know that we struggle to find identity and I totally get that women get overwhelmed from time to time with being MOM and not Karilynn. I am totally okay with that. I don't care if people know my name. I'm content to be Damon's mom. I am content to be Darin's wife. This is a huge part of my identity. That being said, I really am my own person. I find exercise is a great time to define myself as an individual. I feel great when I am running (total lie... it hurts!! ...okay I feel mentally great). I love that I am FINALLY doing this! Finally doing for myself what I do for my kids and my spouse. Taking care of ME.

When I started this journey I had a fear of losing myself. I had always hid behind the excuse that I really was OKAY with who I was. I liked who I had become. I appreciate all the experiences in my life that have got me to this moment, even the not-so-glamorous ones... because those experiences are what have shaped me. I didn't want to become someone I didn't know.. or like "those" girls. Maybe some of you feel this way... I'm not sure BUT... I wanted to let you know... that that excuse and all that fear was totally in vane. You will always be you. Just add a little confidence and an actual desire to shop (I hated shopping cause NOTHING was cute on me!) and a little more knowledge of how strong you REALLY are... and you find the "new" you. And honestly, when a person is HAPPY in life, it radiates to those around them. I never knew how much happier I could be as a person but the difference is obvious. My family life is improved dramatically.. my children are happier, my husband is happier. Loving life.

Umm.. and my SIL has mentioned to me before that sex is better when you are thin... Totally agree! ;o)

WAHOO!!

I met this gal a few years ago at a friends Christmas party. She is a lot like many of us, a mother, a wife, a friend. After struggling with her weight for years, she has found a spark! Inspired by gals who have lost weight the good ol' fashioned way, she has decided to put it all out there and go for it!! Please add DEBBIE to your links. http://lookatmeshrink.blogspot.com/ She is READY to DO IT this time around and would love all the support, encouragement, and honesty she can get!

Weight loss humor = weight loss reality!!

At the end of our last competition, Nicholette posted this video. I LOVE it! As I've been bustin' my butt, I've ran into MANY women who say they've tried EVERYTHING and would do ANYTHING but really, honestly, when I say, well... I'VE cut out white flour and sugar, and I exercise 5-7 days a week they say. "WOW!! I couldn't do that!!" Often times they list of all of their excuses, the same excuses we all have. Children, stress, work, school, etc.... Really??? I remember when my mom had gastric bypass. I WISHED I was overweight enough to get it.. because I just couldn't imagine EVER losing the weight. I had had Dr.'s tell me to limit calories, etc.. but I had decided it was impossible. I knew I could NEVER afford a trainer like all those people who lose weight on the Biggest Loser, or celebrities who drop pounds after they have babies Etc... (and for the record, my FIRST official day with a trainer is MONDAY! I've lost 65 lbs without a TRAINER!! With the support of fantastic friends and a few competitions!!) I just didn't know a whole lot of people who lost a lot of weight the good old fashioned way. EAT LESS, MOVE MORE!!!

How hard are you willing to work? How bad do you want it?

Farkle

I play this game on facebook called FARKLE! It's a dice game and you have the option to play against other random people. It's basically more a game of luck then it is a game of skill and sometimes the dice just won't roll in your favor. I've found that when I complain to the other player (cause there is a chat window in the game) the dice start to be nicer to me. SOO.... I was very shocked this morning to see this :

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HOLY GEEZE!!! I weighed myself 6 times in a row to make sure this was an actual weight and not a fluke. WOW!! I guess complaining a little goes a long way sometimes.

Screw you 136!!

*THE FOLLOWING POST IS MY REFLECTION ON A NUMBER!! IT IS NOT TO INSINUATE IN ANY WAY/SHAPE OR FORM THAT I THINK I'M FAT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I'M JUST WORKING TOWARDS A GOAL AND SEEING NO PROGRESS!!! ;o)*

I'm sorry for being vulgar but umm... really... if I see the number 136 on that damn scale one more time.... UGH!!!!! Yesterday my morning weigh in was 135.0 DANG not 134.9 but I decided I would take it and be happy about it. This morning 136.2 AH!!! I get that weight fluctuates and I could just be better hydrated than I was yesterday morning but GEEZE!!! I've been doing this 138-135 fluctuation for a month! All the while I've been busting my ASS!!! Running, shredding, dieting like an obsessive freak and STILL I cannot get away from this stupid number! I'm at the end of another competition where I am in position to win something but the weight just wants to hang around. Today, I'm starting a new diet thing.... just to break this stupid plateau! Honestly girls, as I type I am intermittently GAGGING down oatmeal JUST because my Trainer said it's good for me. BLECK!! I've put so much cinnamon in it that it looks like those brown no bake cookie things. I think I've eaten about half of it in 30 minutes. that would be 1/6 of a cup of oatmeal. LOL!! On the flip side I must admit that my body is firmer. Honestly, I still have a doughnut in the middle but am almost rid of love handles. I can't even believe it!! I am also completely rid of my boobs. REALLY!! I could feel the disappointment radiating from my husband the last time he went for a squeeze and realized they were officially gone. It's actually kind of a hard thing to deal with. I understand why women get breast augmentation surgery. It's a confidence thing. Some days I sit back in awe of how far I've come, but others I worry of becoming complacent. I know that I've come a long way and I'm SO proud that I have done it... but I also KNOW that I have a little ways to go... I guess I should know better... it has never been easy. I don't even want it to be easy. I just want to see my ass on the floor when I've worked it off. I'm with Vicki on this one! "I despise losing -- unless it is fat off of my butt!"

Cheat dream

Okay.. so last time around I would occasionally dream about eating reese's peanut butter cups. Those dreams always made me laugh. The best part was that I could actually taste the peanut buttery chocolaty goodness in my dream. Last night, I had another cheat dream. This time it was twix. They were so caramelly and delicious but also way too sweet AND I felt so bad while I was eating it. Like I was doing something very bad! LOL
So... who knows what other dreams I will have. I keep counting calories in my dreams among other things. If only workouts done while sleeping burnt calories! ;o)
On a completely seperate note: My scale is missing. No really, it just disappeared. It was brought downstairs on Friday night and has not been seen since. I'm pretty much FREAKING out! I generally weigh myself obsessively. No like at least 10 times a day. Unhealthy... PROBABLY but either way. It's gone. I've searched the whole house... I may have to go buy a new one today. How does a scale just up and walk away?? UGH!!

7 months in pictures.

I had my husband take this pic on a night I was feeling particularly sexy! Lol! I was sure that one day this picture would mean something to me. You gals who did this with us last time around might remember this pic.. my inability to smile and my husbands disinterest in taking the picture. It was taken exactly 7 months ago! (After I'd lost at least 15 lbs)

This picture was taken today. 7 months... can you believe it?

Great day!

Okay.. so after asking my trainer friends a million questions about over consumption, drinking too much water and blah blah blah, I decided to ask if she does consults. I felt kind of guilty taking her expertise for free when she deserves to be paid. ;o) So, today I went over to her gym/house to get my consult/butt kicked! (She did a consult WITH a training session!) I learned so many new things. Stuff I had never thought of, or never really understood. #1 rule... Stick your boobs out! It 's a posture thing... check out her blog about it: http://www.crazibeautiful.com/GirlfriendToGirlfriend/ExpertHome.aspx?postID=128 This is something I am going to work on! I know that the shape of my mid section would be very different if I walked with my shoulders back and my chest out... so that's one thing I'm going to really think about this week!
Another thing she told me that I thought was interesting was that there is no way to be TOO small when you are losing weight the healthy way. I guess I was so worried that there was a healthy number and that beyond that made me crazy! So it was good to hear that as long as I am losing weight the healthy way, with diet and exercise and not depriving myself of ANYTHING, it would be OKAY if I weighed less than 115 lbs... or even if I weighed 125 if my body fat % was good. SO... I'm not limiting my weight loss, but not insisting on a small number either. This means... if I get below 115 lbs, you will all have to deal with me! ;o) LOL!!
I ALSO got my butt kicked and LOVED it! I'm going to be working out with her once a week. I'm so excited to have an extra boost.. wish I could go everyday lol! But once a week is all I can do right now and I'm so thrilled for the opportunity.
My goal is really just to be healthy/fit/learn how to eat right. So... I'm ready to get some muscle tone and lose the little doughnut tire around my belly! YAY!!

Under-consumption

Every time I plateau people tell me that I'm probably not eating enough so I set my calories and make sure I eat to those calories. WELL... lately I've been at a plateau AGAIN and decided to ask an expert. See... sometimes, women make excuses for our entire sex. I.E. "Oh.. you don't have to do the vacuuming/laundry if you don't feel like it! YOU'RE pregnant!" Or.. "you aren't overweight, you just have 4 boys", and of course, we can always blame ANYTHING on the TOM! I just wanted to double check that under consumption was real and not another excuse we feed each other to some how feel better about the situation.
I e-mailed a friend who is a personal trainer and let her know what my calorie restrictions were and how much exercise I was doing to which she responded this:

Yes! You are under consuming! If you are working out that much you should be eating a lot more. I bet your RMR is more than 1200!! You should probably be closer to 2000. I know that sounds like a lot and it is - but if you are doing all that you are, your body needs it. I wouldn't necessarily hit 2000 but I would definitely get at least 16-1700 in. What happens is, when you are not eating enough your body goes into a "starvation mode" where it will store everything you eat for fear it just won't get enough. That will slow down your metabolism and you can actually get what is called metabolic syndrome (google it - it's pretty scary) You don't want that to happen. So eat a bit more - just make sure they are good calories.

YES!! Finally a real answer to my burning question. Back in January, when I shed more than 13 pounds, I wasn't counting calories at all. I JUST took out the WHITE flour and sugar, limited my carb intake and exercised. I was still eating PLENTY of calories and honestly, it was my best month all year. After that month I got all obsessive about calories and blah blah blah and ended up in this frenzy trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. The real question I always had was HOW MANY?? If I'm counting calories and exercising... HOW MANY STINKIN' CALORIES AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT ALREADY!?!?!?!? I kept hearing to "eat more" but HOW MUCH MORE?!? Well girls. Today I will up my calories to 1650. If I end up ballooning out of control... I will know who to blame! ;o)

Starting weight

Intro

Hmm.. I have had this blog for so long that I tend to forget that alot of you don't know me! I started out this year at 198 lbs but was able to join the first BL contest after the original cut off date. (I had been overweight for 9 years at the time!!!) I managed to lose around 55 lbs during that competition!! The transformation has been remarkable and I have enjoyed sharing my journey with others who may be struggling.
My main diet change was to take out SUGAR and WHITE FLOUR! Eventually I also started counting calories. Along the way I have gone from walking (while huffing and puffing) to running and I'm currently training for a 1/2 marathon in November!
A couple things I totally suggest are taking before pics. Of course, when I took pics I NEVER planned to share them with ANYONE, EVER!! But, as I could see the difference from month to month, I was incredibly grateful that I had done it. I also recommend doing measurements. It's a fun way to track your progress. Both of these things were suggested to me and have been a huge motivation in my journey. I think seeing it down on paper/computer screen made everything REAL for me! One other thing that made the difference for me was THROW AWAY ALL YOUR EXCUSES!! I had a list of them... they were fairly legitimate BUT they were still excuses. You will have to learn to balance life with "you time" and I promise that once you find that balance you will never be the same!
We all deserve to feel great about ourselves and our bodies. Know that YOU are the only one standing in your way!