Tuesday, September 15, 2009

New me...

Yesterday seemed to have a theme. While working out with Lisa (I think I was doing some lunge things while holding huge weights) she mentioned my blog. I put a link to it on facebook the other day and she happened to have a minute to check it out. She told me that she was so proud of how far I'd come, that she hadn't realized where I had been and she asked me "Do you feel like a completely different person, like your old self?" Hmm... I wasn't sure how to answer that.

Last night I was talking to my SIL who recently had her third baby. She mentioned briefly how she had been having some serious mood swings and that one of her harder topics for the day was that she wasn't just HER. She is trying to lose the baby fat and didn't want to take before pics because she felt like that would be admitting that this was WHO she is and that where she was wasn't really her. Hmm.... here we are at that theme.

So.. I wanted to tell you all the answer to Lisa's question.
I am me. The same person I have always been. I am happier and healthier but just as hilarious and fun as I was when I was 110 lbs and 200 lbs. I am MOM! I love that. I know that we struggle to find identity and I totally get that women get overwhelmed from time to time with being MOM and not Karilynn. I am totally okay with that. I don't care if people know my name. I'm content to be Damon's mom. I am content to be Darin's wife. This is a huge part of my identity. That being said, I really am my own person. I find exercise is a great time to define myself as an individual. I feel great when I am running (total lie... it hurts!! ...okay I feel mentally great). I love that I am FINALLY doing this! Finally doing for myself what I do for my kids and my spouse. Taking care of ME.

When I started this journey I had a fear of losing myself. I had always hid behind the excuse that I really was OKAY with who I was. I liked who I had become. I appreciate all the experiences in my life that have got me to this moment, even the not-so-glamorous ones... because those experiences are what have shaped me. I didn't want to become someone I didn't know.. or like "those" girls. Maybe some of you feel this way... I'm not sure BUT... I wanted to let you know... that that excuse and all that fear was totally in vane. You will always be you. Just add a little confidence and an actual desire to shop (I hated shopping cause NOTHING was cute on me!) and a little more knowledge of how strong you REALLY are... and you find the "new" you. And honestly, when a person is HAPPY in life, it radiates to those around them. I never knew how much happier I could be as a person but the difference is obvious. My family life is improved dramatically.. my children are happier, my husband is happier. Loving life.

Umm.. and my SIL has mentioned to me before that sex is better when you are thin... Totally agree! ;o)

7 comments:

Debbie said...

Thank you for sharing! I think that is one of the things that I've often wondered about myself. Will I change when I'm thin? To which of course the answer is both YES/NO. No-I am who I am, that has never and never will change. but Yes because I will be able to remember my true potential and be able to hold myself to that standard.

So here's to great skinny sex!!!

The G Fam said...

Wow! I had no idea how much you had lost! Gives me inspiration. I wonder secretly if that is my belly in that 1st picture. Hopefully not for long!!! I will have to try a shot like that, and see where I came from and where I am!

Elise said...

Awesome. Great post. Loved it. Love you.

Mindy said...

You never cease to amaze me! I swear I’m sitting here crying after reading that post and I just want ya to know you are awesome. I for one will agree that you are the same you. Still fun, funny, light hearted, smart and an awesome friend! Thanks for getting me into this mess and for all the support. You’re the best!

Debi said...

I love you and want you to help me now. I am so proud to call you my daughter. Keep it up. I will talk at you later today.
Mom

Lorie said...

As a person who has lost a lot of weight, I can relate to being asked that question. I want people to know I am the same person too even if I look hugely different. It a mind set transformation for me about what kinds of things I eat. In that way I am kind of a different person. But yes you stay the person you are. I think that is such a funny question people ask.

rochelle said...

I loved your post, Karilynn. And you're right. Skinny sex rules all!
It's so great to have my husband look at me whit new eyes (or maybe the ones he had when we first got together?) and not be able to keep his hands off of me, but knowing that I'm the same person that I've always been. Great comments!