Yesterday seemed to have a theme. While working out with Lisa (I think I was doing some lunge things while holding huge weights) she mentioned my blog. I put a link to it on facebook the other day and she happened to have a minute to check it out. She told me that she was so proud of how far I'd come, that she hadn't realized where I had been and she asked me "Do you feel like a completely different person, like your old self?" Hmm... I wasn't sure how to answer that.
Last night I was talking to my SIL who recently had her third baby. She mentioned briefly how she had been having some serious mood swings and that one of her harder topics for the day was that she wasn't just HER. She is trying to lose the baby fat and didn't want to take before pics because she felt like that would be admitting that this was WHO she is and that where she was wasn't really her. Hmm.... here we are at that theme.
So.. I wanted to tell you all the answer to Lisa's question.
I am me. The same person I have always been. I am happier and healthier but just as hilarious and fun as I was when I was 110 lbs and 200 lbs. I am MOM! I love that. I know that we struggle to find identity and I totally get that women get overwhelmed from time to time with being MOM and not Karilynn. I am totally okay with that. I don't care if people know my name. I'm content to be Damon's mom. I am content to be Darin's wife. This is a huge part of my identity. That being said, I really am my own person. I find exercise is a great time to define myself as an individual. I feel great when I am running (total lie... it hurts!! ...okay I feel mentally great). I love that I am FINALLY doing this! Finally doing for myself what I do for my kids and my spouse. Taking care of ME.
When I started this journey I had a fear of losing myself. I had always hid behind the excuse that I really was OKAY with who I was. I liked who I had become. I appreciate all the experiences in my life that have got me to this moment, even the not-so-glamorous ones... because those experiences are what have shaped me. I didn't want to become someone I didn't know.. or like "those" girls. Maybe some of you feel this way... I'm not sure BUT... I wanted to let you know... that that excuse and all that fear was totally in vane. You will always be you. Just add a little confidence and an actual desire to shop (I hated shopping cause NOTHING was cute on me!) and a little more knowledge of how strong you REALLY are... and you find the "new" you. And honestly, when a person is HAPPY in life, it radiates to those around them. I never knew how much happier I could be as a person but the difference is obvious. My family life is improved dramatically.. my children are happier, my husband is happier. Loving life.
Umm.. and my SIL has mentioned to me before that sex is better when you are thin... Totally agree! ;o)